Simple Woman's Daybook Entry for 12 January 2009

Well, hard to believe but it's Monday again already. The last few days have gone by in a blur for me. We named the baby "Mati", which is Hebrew for either gender and means "gift of God". The Share Burial is tomorrow and I am full of sorrow that I have to do this again. I don't know if God will ever bless me with another baby, but I am so thankful for every minute that Mati was growing and developing inside me. I'm just having a lot of regret that I didn't get to at least hold the baby. Anyway, I am posting my Simple Woman's Daybook entry. I am trying to have some semblance of order in my day. So here is the weekly entry:

Monday, January 12, 2009

Outside my window...
It is sunny but cold, with temperatures in the 20s.

I am thinking...
That I need to follow up on a lot of things, and get school done (with the kiddies and my online college stuff).

I am thankful for...
The brief time I was pregnant with Mati in 2008/2009 and the brief time I was pregnant with Jordan in 2007.

From the learning rooms...
We got a lot more accomplished last week than I thought. I hope to get more done today as tomorrow I don't know that I will be able to handle school knowing that we're burying Mati.

From the kitchen...
Tonight we'll finish the lovely eye roast we got on sale (enough for two meals!). I might get ambitious and make a cake or cookies for the kiddies, and I'd like to try to make some baked oatmeal for my husband's breakfasts this week.

I am wearing...
I am still in pajamas because I have a lot of cramping and bleeding still...But I am determined it will not be a wholly lazy day.

I am creating...
I purchased pins to pin the quilt I was making for Mati, which I intend to finish, as well as the baby blanket and booties I started. I also decided that maybe I would enroll in the next cake decorating course to give myself some sense of accomplishment and help my grief.

I am going...
To still continue to praise God and thank Him despite my grief, even though it is getting more difficult the closer I get to the share burial. I have faith that He will give me love and comfort.

I am reading...
Family Driven Faith by Voodie Baucham, Jr. and A Biblical Home Education by Ruth Beechick, as well as some stuff about homeschooling by Charlotte Mason that I got online from http://www.amblesideonline.org/

I am hoping...
To find the strength to cope with this miscarriage loss without snapping out in anger at God or my family and to rest in the assurance that I will hold Mati (and Jordan) one day.

I am hearing...
Silence at the moment (which may or may not be a good thing -- where are the kiddies??).

Around the house...
I changed my sheets and blankets, and cleaned up some clutter and dusted in our master bedroom. I need to move a bookshelf and the entertainment center in the living room to make way for other furniture. And I asked my husband to please take down the crib and changing table, at least for now...It is too painful a reminder to have them up, and Sammy doesn't really use or need them right now anyway, as he's got a "big boy bed".

One of my favorite things...
At the moment I am too full of grief to really think this one through, but I love my family and and friends and am thankful for the strength and support I've gotten in the last week.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Aside from our regular homeschool schedule and my college course work...

Tonight: Church Small Group (which I really need right now)
Tuesday: Share Burial for Mati
Wednesday: Story time at Barnes & Noble since we'll miss it Tuesday
Thursday: Cleaning up the room my parents will be moving into
Friday: Moving some of the children around into other rooms
Saturday: Church in the evening (easier for us right now than Sundays, so I'm glad our church gives the option to accommodate people)
Sunday: Continuing to adjust January homeschool schedules, completing my online college week's work.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

This is my first attempt at bootie making, which are felt ones I tried to form for Mati's July arrival. Unfortunately they were way too big, but I was going to adjust the size - and the color, since we were not sure what the gender was going to be. It was just an experiment. Now there is no need, obviously, but I am still going to finish the booties and put them in a shadow box with the ultrasound pictures and information about this precious baby.

As always, thanks for stopping by!!!
Please visit the Simple Woman's Blog: http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

~mary