Excellent Thoughts

Trying to Be a Blessing

2011-06-28T19:45:00.000-05:00

I just celebrated 18 years of marriage with my precious husband and best friend, Les. I am so honored that Les chose me to share his life and his name, and I can't imagine doing that with anyone else. I wish I could say that was always true, but we've had quite the bumpy ride throughout our marriage -- celebrating and rejoicing, crying and shouting...It's not always been easy trying to carve out a life that is a shared identity when fighting against our own individual selfishness and fleshly cries.

Though the road has seemed to take many winding and twisting turns and curves along the way to this place, today, we have somehow -- by God's grace alone! -- managed to weather a number of storms. The loss of two babies, a mother (or for me, mother-in-law), two of my grandparents. Financial failure. A child in trouble. What seemed at the time to be almost insurmountable peaks we have conquered -- together -- in many ways. I think that is because we still clung to our vows and promises inasmuch as we could or even dared to at times when things were rough, and God blessed that determination to not give up and increased our love for one another. Love is a choice, and God can take that love and commitment and bless it abundantly.

I know that there were many times in the past when Les needed encouragement but I was too blind to see and he was too proud to spell it out so I could provide that encouragement. And vice versa too. Because we are humans, with a fallen sin nature, sometimes it takes a depth of despair in the middle of a crisis for us to admit to ourselves and our spouse that we need some strength beyond our own. We can cling to God in those difficult times, but it's also in those valleys that we can learn to cling to one another. "Two are better than one...a threefold cord is not quickly broken." ~ Ecclesiastes 4:9, 12. Sometimes in this state of sin and pride and flesh, we easily forget that we were created to need one another. God gave woman to man so he would not be alone. As a helpmeet. The intimate relationship and bond between a husband and a wife goes far beyond the physical. We are to need one another, support one another, love one another.

I can look back and see many times where I was not the blessing my husband required. Not respectful, though not necessarily always meaning to be disrespectful. Not helpful, though not always meaning to be more of a burden than a help. The saying goes "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." I have found that there are times I didn't intend to do just the opposite of what was needed or required. In fact, I'd venture to guess there were times that, in the middle of my own selfishness, I just did not see it, or maybe I didn't want to see it. Or maybe I saw it, but my own needs surpassed those of my husband in my eyes, so I set his aside. Well -- I am making it my intention this year to be a blessing, not a curse. God, the wonderful and merciful Father who gives abundant love and forgiveness, has restored us - our marriage has truly weathered some terrible tempests and yet we are still standing, I believe because we built on that Foundation which is wholly unshakeable -- God indeed in our midst.

I want to be the kind of wife Les should have had all along. I am trying to be a blessing to the wonderful man God put in my life, the husband who has more integrity and compassion than anyone I've ever met, who has an excellant work ethic, who has morals and values that stem from his belief in the One True God. I hope I am able to be more than what he needs or expects, both now and every day, and that I am able to crucify my fleshly self in living out a life that truly ministers to him.

Saved by...Tomatoes??

2011-06-16T19:44:00.006-05:00

You know, it's been one of those years where a lot of discouraging things have happened one after another...the kind of year that can really depress a body not grounded in Christ. We've been in some pretty awful situations before, but it seemed that when we were just despairing some light broke - the silver lining, if you will - and things didn't seem so dire. However, the past year has just brought an onslaught of bad news and even worse hit to our finances. I can't say it's been the absolute worst, but I can say that I now recognize a pattern -- whenever Les and I and our precious children start to be intentional about pressing in to the things of God and dive deeper into our relationships with Christ, stepping out beyond our comfort zones to follow what we know are His plans for us, the enemy is not far behind us trying to undermine our efforts - and our family. I think of the story of Job and am thankful that God restores, although I wonder at times why my Father allows so much testing!

And as if that were not enough, there's more...Like most women who strive to be Godly wives and mothers, I've done enough brainstorming and such to try to find ways to ease the burden my husband bears day in and day out when he runs off to work his labor-intensive job as an HVAC technician. And with the hot spell, everyone definitely "needed" their A/C! So he works hard all day and worries all night. It is such an unfair burden to him at times, because in the past I have to admit I had been pretty spoiled. I didn't always see it that way -- there were times I truly thought that I was "entitled" to at least some of the things I desired and craved...I did not give much thought to how little respect that showed my sweet and patient husband for his love and hard work. My unthoughtful pouting, or little comments from time to time, did not encourage him at all, but increased his worry that he could not give me what I want -- not at all the picture I wanted to present!!!! I want him to know he can safely trust in me at all times, not just to spend our money wisely and make better choices, but also to not discourage him and to be respectful of what he does for our family.

I am not always good at it. It's hard for me to let go and trust sometimes, although I can honestly say that in my marriage I have no reason not to trust my husband with everything, even my very life, because he truly does love me as Christ loved the Church. I have no doubt whatsoever that Les would lay down his life for me and the children if it was required, and so I struggle with why I'm so untrusting and where that all comes from. But more than worrying about where it comes from, I can unfortunately see where it goes at times...

I was recently praying about this after reading a post on Homespun Heart about the topic of respect from Proverbs 31:23. (http://thehomespunheart.blogspot.com/). It really touched my heart that I was not always having a good attitude, and that I was letting so much worry about our financial situation consume my thoughts so that I was unintentionally being more dis-respectful. This stemmed from being unable for some reason to really trust that God would provide. (There's that whole trust thing all over again, sigh!) So I prayed. One thing I've seen as I've grown in my walk with the Father is that God is good. Yes, He's just and righteous, but He's also merciful and compassionate. AND He's my Heavenly Father, who wants to give His children good gifts...So as I was praying God brought to mind a time last year where we were really, really struggling to keep ourselves afloat. I was not sure what our financial picture was going to look like day-to-day, let alone in a year's time. I had, in desperation, cried out to God to find some way that I could feed our family of eight not only cheaply, but healthy too. It's almost an oxymoron at times to do that, especially with eight of us. The rising cost of groceries makes it seem like we should multiply our grocery dollars x400% just to incorporate adequate nutritional meals for our growing family. I think many people would be surprised at how much we set aside to spend, and even the dollars budgeted are often a stretch.

Anyway, one day during a sweltering rush of heat in the heart of last summer, Les came home at the end of the day with a huge -- and I mean HUGE! -- box of tomatoes. Because of Les' job situation, that amazing guy drives all over the county, on roads I've never even heard of in the almost 18 years I've been here! I looked at the box with admiration for a quick second, and then in a panic -- our grocery dollars were few. In fact, I hadn't even shopped that week and we were out of bread, milk, eggs and other staples and I was trying to figure out how in the world I was going to even buy what we needed. I almost wanted to make a comment, but I thankfully bit my tongue. The tomatoes in the box looked near-perfect. They were the kind you could pay a small fortune for in a store, or even at a farmer's market (I know, I'd priced them!). I was frustrated and almost in tears because I'd been praying to God for help, and I was sure Les had spent that week's whole grocery budget on this box of tomatoes...I could not imagine that we'd even get to them all before they started to turn so I envisioned ending up having to give some away - or worse, throw some away. My heart sank.

Les stood there calmly, trying to guage my reaction - which I'm sure was a puzzle at the moment, having first appeared pleased and then all of the sudden looking really quite the opposite - and asked if I could even use them and what could I do with the huge box of tomatoes sitting in the middle of our kitchen. I started rattling off a litany of things I could make: BLTs, tomato tarts or quiche, maybe soups. Then I thought I could figure out canned tomato sauce, canned salsa, canned ketchup...Just to try to keep from wasting our dollars, and if I could even get to them before they rotted. But still, in my mind I kept thinking how much cheaper ketchup from the store would have been, because I was sure my darling husband had spent way more money on this box of tomatoes than we could afford. I know that thoughts that were disrespectful were starting to pile up in my heart. I felt miserable because I could see that my husband had tried to be helpful. All of the sudden in the middle of my list, he blurted "Not bad for $3 worth of tomatoes!"

WHAT?! God had really come through for us that day, and He actually fed us quite nicely the rest of the summer as Les continued to stumble upon little off-the-beaten-path stands. Some examples were a 50 pound bag of potatoes for $12, another box of beautiful tomatoes for $3, a basket full of green peppers (which I stuffed as a "thank you" to my husband, who loves them) for $4...The list was endless, truly. One day we went to a farmers' market near the end of the day and got some deals we didn't usually see, even at that time of day -- a basket of Vidalia onions for $2, three heads of lettuce for $1 and about 10 pounds of bananas for $1 -- all of which I paid for with change I'd scrounged from couch cushions and under the bed!!!! God came through for us last year with oodles of healthy food for close to nothing. Les, it turns out, had been praying to God to meet our needs too. My grumbling and worry about the food dollars made us both desperate to reach for the One who could help us.

But I still needed to repent -- and still do at times -- of what kind of message I am sending not just to Les, but to others, about how he provides for us and what kind of man he is. Others may hear my little gripes when I don't get my way maybe because we have to put money toward bills or because we don't have this or that, and get the wrong picture, thinking that Les is not a good provider or that I feel he's somehow not adequate as a husband and father. I really do NOT EVER want to send that message!!! Les is amazing, and I am so thankful for him! But...

Whenever I think of how my husband's income has blessed us, I also have to couple that with how blessed we are that God provided him with ability to work not only in the position he has but also at the company he works for. I need to keep telling myself that God WILL provide and that God DOES care for His children. And when I do that, I remember to be more of a blessing than a curse to the man who swept me off my feet and gave me the honor of becoming his wife almost 18 years ago (June 26th!!!)

I pulled out the next-to-last jar of canned tomato sauce the other day and looked at the shelves in the jelly cupboard that are still not wholly bare, but are getting there. I am not afraid for me or my household because I know I have a God who provides, through the efforts of my hard-working husband, and that I am blessed to know God in a deeper and more intimate way because of my husband. I am so grateful that my Father can use a jar of canned tomatoes to prove His love for me, to teach me to respect my husband by trusting in God to meet our needs and not always grumble and worry, and to teach me to trust because He will not leave me nor forsake me, so what is there to grumble and worry about anyway?!

Eat from the Pantry Challenge Revisited

2011-06-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

Blessings to all...Wondered if anyone wanted to try the Eat from the Pantry Challenge with me - or at least hold me accountable? My goal is to eat what is here and NOT run to the store except for dairy, eggs and maybe a few fresh veggies. I want to try to do this through July so I have more money to spend on produce to can. I pulled the next-to-last jar of tomato sauce out of the jelly cupboard and want to be able to have funds to do that all again. I think I may have missed out on strawberries this year (sigh!) but I am still on target for peaches, pickles, tomatoes, maybe even blueberries and such. I have a list of things I want to try, and if I ever remember to look for my pressure canner, I am praying to finally try to can green beans now while they are so very plentiful at a reasonable price.

The Great Valentine...

2011-02-14T21:17:00.000-05:00

I was awakened this morning by sunlight streaming across my pillow. I wanted to pull the blanket back over my face, to stay snuggled in the warmth of my mattress and just be a tad bit lazy, but I looked over at my husband and realized that I had purposed to get up and prepare his breakfast and pack his lunch box before he headed off to work. Out of duty? Maybe. Out of love? Absolutely!
That may sound a little strange to some of you who have always done such things to bless your spouse. Early in our marriage his work schedule had awful hours -- he left for work at 4:30 and I was not that -- ahem -- ambitious enough to wake and see to his needs. I was too busy being selfish in part. Maybe a little sleepy. Maybe confused as to how the mechanics of our relationship should work, being newly wed and thus new to surrendering my will to another as one. Over the last few years I have finally learned that his understanding of love - his picture of true love - was demonstration through acts of service, and I have tried more often than not, barring sick days, to be just that type of wife. The wife he needs and desires. I hope I am succeeding.

Anyway, I had wanted so much to be a blessing to Les on this Valentine’s Day, and so I shrugged off the warmth of the covers and my slippers plodded softly down the stairs into the kitchen to begin my day by being a blessing to my husband, and where I was immediately grateful that love for my husband had prompted me awake.

Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day anyway? The holiday started centuries ago, originating from pagan rituals of fertility until it was Christianized in about the third century. These days we don’t really relate the holiday with anything religious, but we do ascribe sentiments of love, usually giving choice gifts to our sweetheart. That was what amazed me about this morning…

You see - He sent me a gift this morning -- a beautiful Valentine's Day sunrise – as if I were His sweetheart. It was extravagant, punctuating the space between the horizon and the far reaches of the heavens. I have been awake enough times to see the sun rise in my life, but this one was exceptional in the way that He painted the clear morning sky with swirling shades of pink fading into the heights of the azure sky closest to the stars. It was such an awesome sight, this gift of a sunrise, and it made me stop in a moment of thanks and feel the blessing wash over me as gratitude for something so pure and lovely that is often unnoticed or taken for granted. Just like His love…

It’s true – there are so many days when I pray and I think He loves me and know He loves me and it is just a deep truth that I say when I thank Him for His grace and provision and mercy. But how often do I reflect on what that really means, that love? I would venture to guess that when I was first introduced to that knowledge of His saving grace, when I first understood what it really meant to know Him in a way that I’d never known before, like that intimate connection that is prevalent in the closest and most cherished of relationships, I probably thought about it often and dwelled on it and turned it over in my mind. “For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son…” (John 3:16). How often do we hear it? How precisely can we quote it. But there is so much in that small verse…Such a powerful statement…He loved me. ME!

Sometimes it’s still such an astonishing thought when I think of the sinner that I am, selfish and always striving to be selfless, thankless and always striving to be thankful, never coming quite close enough to what I think I should be…impure and imperfect with little blotches of sin and stain that, though washed white by the Blood of the Lamb, still are visible to me every time I fail…I cannot always comprehend such love -- such unconditional and sacrificial and perfect and pure love. A love so great that it has no end.

I am reminded of Romans 8, where it says in verse two: “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death…” Free. Love that produces freedom. I do not have to dwell on my failures. I am free. I am free. It takes a moment for it to sink in, for the simple truth of it to dawn on me once again, like a new revelation, only not new but merely rediscovered. Amazing. Grace. Oh! And after a moment, I realize it…Amazing grace. Set in to motion by His love…

And then in verses 14 and 15 we read: “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.” Children. We are His children. Undeserved and selfish, but adopted as sons and daughters. Grafted in. Held in His Holy Hands. Adopted. What does that mean?? I think of my own adopted children – three daughters, two sons. How much I love them. How they are my own children. How I love them as much as I love my only biological son. Les and I have accepted them, knit them into the loving circle that is our family. Love….Again, that word. And I am adopted! Into His family. I am His child!!! I am loved by Our Father.

Verse 31 says: “…If God be for us, who can be against us?” What first comes to mind is His presence, always, that brings peace through His protection. His shelter and His banner, covering me with His love. Safety. Security. Peace in the midst of storms. I am reminded of the low points in my life when I was needed someone to protect me. How I often didn’t know where to turn in my imperfection for fear of being rejected. How there were times when I was scared and I didn’t know how things were going to play out in the drama of my life…How I needed a hero to rescue me from all that was tumbling around me. How I finally found all of that in Him! He became all for me because of His great and abiding love. I didn’t need to fear anything. He was there, carrying me through my troubles, bearing my burdens. Holding out His precious Hands for me to collapse into, weary with emotion and drained by life, and rest my very soul. He refreshed me. He gave me His shelter…protection. I was able to finally rest in His peace because He came to my rescue. Rescue...

Further I read, hungry and eager, the words filling my soul with truths that cannot be denied. I search. I seek. Ah…Verse 32 begins the beauty of it all – the miracle. “He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?” Gave up His Son…for us all. All. That means for me, too! I am not excluded. I am not forgotten. I am not left out of this great and perfect love. I am His child, saved by His grace, through the death of His Son. Grafted in and afforded His protection, His shelter, His mercy. Oh unspeakable and amazing joy!!! I think of my own children. How would it be to give up a child for love’s sake? Could I do it? Could I so selflessly let go of the little ones that I’ve raised, without hesitation? Could I bear to see their suffering, even while recalling all the precious moments I have savored and treasured in my heart? How could He do it? I look again at the words. He freely gave. For us all. Because of His great love for us. Oh, to really see that love, that perfect gift from the Father. To remember Him in that special moment and feel the truth of all these things sink into my soul…He has loved me with an everlasting love and I KNOW IT! My soul rejoices with this truth, this treasure that I hold to my heart and lock in there. I am loved! LOVED!!!!

The Need for Grace...

2011-02-04T08:35:00.001-05:00

I open my Bible day after day and wonder. I read an article about His grace and mercy -- how it saved a man from addiction and sin, how it brought hope to a man condemned for murder, how it brought healing and forgiveness to a marriage scarred by adultry -- and suddenly I am so thirsty for it, hunger for it...I know I need it desperately. I turn page after page of the Book, seeking for the only words that can comfort me and give me hope.

I share with a friend that I am desperate for that grace, that forgiveness and blessed relief that can cleanse my soul and make me new again. I hear "How can you possibly need grace? What have you done that's been that bad? You're just busy." I guess on the outside, I look normal. I'm a wife. A mother. A member of the community. I go to church. The me that most people know seems okay. Everyone knows I am not perfect. I'm a little quiet at times, mistaken for shy in some situations. I have ideas that bubble forth that seem interesting. But internally I wrestle with myself. Almost daily. There is sin there. I know there is. Being a generally "good" person cannot hide it.

Not when I consider that there is no "sin scale" next to God. He does not measure a little white lie as a mere nothing and then measure taking His Name in vain as something far worse. No. The Ten Commandments are equal in value. God is perfect. He cannot live with sin. Not even what most people would consider something trifling. Sin is sin. It blackens the soul, spots that can only be removed through His Son, who gave His life to wash those specks and blotches and thick dark stains with the beauty of His blood.

It started in the Garden, when the serpent appealed to Eve and she and her spouse neglected to be obedient to the One who made them -- who blessed them with all kinds of beauty and treasure in that Garden. One tree was forbidden. Was it a test of their love for Him? Or merely a test of their obedience? Or was it a combination of those things? We should look to obey BECAUSE we love Him...Not because we have to. Because He did give us the freedom to choose...But Adam and Eve chose poorly, tricked and tempted by all the lusts of the flesh that we all struggle with daily. They were blinded to His Creation when they gave in to discontent, focusing on what they could not have rather than all of the things they could have.

It's easy to grow discontent when your main "job" is one that does not always produce immediate results. Being a stay-at-home wife and mother is harder than any corporate job could ever be. There are so many roles to embrace, not all of them "fun" or "interesting". I'm more a creature of creation than a creature of habit. I prefer to create beauty -- crafts, words, baking, anything -- than succumb to the drudgery of cleaning. It's mundane. Even when it gets nice results. But it's not my gifting, not my strong point at all. And we have a large family -- eight people in one house. That's a lot of meals, laundry. Cleaning. Hours of homework help. Juggling schedules to try to spend time with everyone.

I know it's been done on larger scales and smaller scales, but this is our scale. We had talked dreamily years ago of the large family we would have. And God knit together a wonderful family for us! Five adopted children first. Beautiful, healthy children. With emotional issues and some learning issues. Then one biological child. A happy child. Ironically the one who is sick most often. And two babies after that who did not have the chance to be born, but who we lost through miscarriage. It's been rough. I question and cry, even as I try to accept. And I lose my temper. Sometimes quite easily. It's hard to see immediate results in parenting. Most things you do for your children won't be recognized until they are older. It's a lot of work. Some people say it's a thankless job. I wouldn't agree with that, but it's definitely not one that always produces immediate results or immediate gratification. And I struggle with that. I like to feel appreciated and I even enjoy being thanked for what I accomplish. But...I don't do everything I should do in a day. And I stumble in my efforts to feel like I belong overall. I feel awkward when I talk to other women. Some of them seem to juggle their careers and their families quite nicely. Some of them do one or the other, but not both. I just never know what to say when someone asks how I am, because I think most of the time I go out of my way to step out from what I think I ought to do. But what I ought to do and what I actually do are not always the same.

I've discovered something. Finally. I wish I'd known it earlier in life. The world says that I can have it all. I know that I cannot. The world says that I can and should expect -- even demand -- "me" time...But that's not necessarily true. If I really want to embrace the role that I've been blessed to have - and often take for granted - I need to be selfless. To rise when I might otherwise sleep a while longer. To stay in and get things done around the house when I might otherwise go out and shop or sit at the bookstore or a cafe somewhere wasting time. To save money when I might otherwise squander it on something for myself. To forego the cozy chair and good book so I can help with homeschooling or homework or just participate in a family night activity. To run children to practices, games, friends' houses or even school, if the three who attend public school miss the bus, instead of staying in my nice, warm house. To forego a nice steak dinner for two out at a fancy restaurant in order to feed the whole family on our limited budget. To choose to bend to others' desires in myriad ways when I might otherwise choose to put myself first...

When I choose me above others, I am not putting Him first. I am neglecting the Greatest Commandment -- to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself." (Luke 10:27). To live this out -- to put this into practice daily -- means being able to be self-less, even if the rest of the world is encouraging me to be self-ish.

And this is where I fall short so many times! The need for His grace, so that I can pick myself up and walk rightly with Him, is so evident, so crystal clear. And for that I am ever so thankful! Because it wasn't always clear. There were days when I didn't consider that I was walking outside of His commands, even while I was neglecting the one thing He was calling me to do -- to give up myself willingly, lovingly even, and pour all I had into serving others. And not just my own immediate family...There is a whole world of hurting, lonely, bruised and battered people who need His love brought to them through tangible means, and I had not realized for so very long -- for too very long! -- that I could be the one to carry that blessing, to lift up my brethren, to offer the message of hope and redemption, to show compassion and point toward the Cross as the ONLY WAY to find life...

No, I was too busy being judge and jury toward others who I felt did not merit my time and attention. I was too busy rushing to please myself through whatever means -- a shopping spree, "me" time...other things that consumed my thoughts and then my actions. The adversary tailored his trap just for me...He knew I had been pampered and spoiled and therefore expected certain things to go my way or I'd cry foul and get easily frustrated and give up my walk...I hate that he was so right...

Which is why His grace is something I crave. I cannot get enough. And the amazing thing about grace is that the more you experience it, the more you want to share it with others. You finally start to become the selfless person you were intended to be...Instead of hoarding that last piece of chocolate cake so you get your fill and fair share, you want others to taste of it, to experience the richness of it...To crave it for themselves and therefore seek it too. You find yourself open to His prompting to smile at family, friends, strangers...To give more generously of your time and talents and even possessions. To let go of the clenched fists so that your hands are open to the blessing. To want to turn your life into a gift for others because of His gift to you. To live the way He intended -- loving the Lord God and your neighbor. With your whole heart, no longer reserving any of it for yourself but offering it as a sacrifice of praise to Him, the Creator who gives grace. Abundant grace. Amazing grace. Merciful grace. Loving grace. Grace!

Priorities

2011-02-01T16:05:00.000-05:00

We all have them...or so we think. We line up "must do this" and "have to do that" til we have no other time to do, well, anything...We are busy from sun-up to sun-down. Our moments are filled with the busy-ness of life. We rush in this hectic and fast-paced space we've carved out for ourselves and our family until, at the end of the day, we tumble into bed exhausted. And just before drifting off to sleep we hear that still, small voice that has been pleading for time with us...His voice. Calling. Beckoning. And we...

Well, we forgot. We simply didn't have a second to remember -- not with all of the appointments and errands and work, the raising of children and the cementing of marriage and the fostering of community taking up oh-so-much of our day -- that He wanted to spend time with us. That He, the Creator of the Universe, who knit us together and breathed His life and love into our very souls, wanted time. With us.

But it's too late, the day is gone, another day left behind in the dust where we may have accomplished much or may have accomplished little, but the one thing -- the most amazing and most important thing we could have done -- was left undone and lacking. We neglected Him. We failed to set aside a holy time to commune with Him. We abandoned Him to our own set of skewed priorities and "must do" lists and went on our spinning selfish way barreling along through the day and now, finally at the end of the day, we realize that we neglected the one thing, the very thing, that could have refreshed and renewed us!

Are your "priorities" robbing you of your time with the Heavenly Father? Or is He your priority?

I pray that you will set aside a special time to spend with the One who made you, who loves and desires you, who is jealous for you.

Blessings,
~Mary

Overflowing with Gratitude...

2011-01-25T12:51:00.001-05:00

I am thanking God. Intentially. Thoughtfully. Purposely reflecting on all that He has accomplished, all that He has done, for me and through me. My heart overflows with gratitude that I often leave buried there, waiting...waiting like a caterpillar, cocooned. But in the busy-ness of everyday life, wrapped deep in the worries and cares of this world that I should abandon, I sometimes lose sight of those blessings. Yet...just as the butterfly eventually breaks free from that shell and bursts forth, a new creation at last, so this gratitude bursts forth from my soul. Today my soul finally removes itself - at least for now - from all the burdens and all the problems and all the myriad and mundane things that life has offered of late that the adversary uses to try to steal my joy - and I am able to lift my hands to the great expanse of the heavens where my Creator -- my FATHER -- sits and leans His ear closer to me -- to ME! -- to hear this love and this gratitude and this praise roll from my lips like the deep belly laugh of a child, a joy I can no longer contain.

He has been exceedingly and abundantly merciful over and above anything I could ever have dreamed or have dared to hope for myself, and I know this -- I know it way deep down in the very crevices of my soul, where shadows of doubt have tried to cling but can no longer remain, for I have experienced this miracle and my soul is illuminated with grace and the knowledge -- oh blessed and beautiful knowledge! -- that He has noticed me, that He has heard my desperation and lifted the darkness from my situation, that He has rescued me...That HE LOVES ME! He beheld my fear and trembling and called me into the shelter of His wings where I am safe -- so safe at last! The situation is no longer the conquerer. I need not flee from His covering...I can dwell there, secure in His promises.

Yes, I have so much to be thankful for. My heart overflows with thanksgiving for so many blessings, little things I had tucked away in my heart. I pray to my gracious and merciful and loving Heavenly Father that every single day I will present Him with a ceaseless river of praise, for He has delivered me and given me unspeakable joy, and I am filled to the brim with gratitude for His great love and compassion!

Anticipaton

2010-12-15T15:35:00.002-05:00

It always gets me excited to see my children eagerly awaiting something, so excited they are ready to burst with happiness and joy and a mixture of something I can’t put into words. It’s one of the reasons I love homeschooling — that it is I, and not some other adult, who has the amazing privilege of not only seeing that anticipation, but who also has the opportunity to build upon it, watching it bud and blossom into accomplishment.

I thought of this because the weather man (er, woman…) made an announcement today that got my children excited…There is snow in the forecast for the weekend! We talked about whether or not there will be enough precipitation so that it will actually snow a lot and whether or not it will be cold enough that the snow will actually lay, since we’ve seen snowflakes this season at least several times. Besides being a great science lesson about the seasons or about how snow is made (and only God can make snow, no matter what the ski resort thinks!), the prediction has given my children something to look forward to with anticipation…to turn over in their minds and to ponder and consider and apply their knowledge, such as it is.

This time of year there is so much busy-ness that I enjoy the chance to slow down and reflect. I think that for myself and for my children the anticipation of Christmas gifts, snow, Santa, family visits, sweets and treats, and the magical appearance the world takes on as it is decorated by man and by nature gives us much to look forward to. We know that something extraordinary is about to happen.

I think spiritually, too, I look forward in anticipation…I celebrate the amazing miracle of the virgin birth, the willing obedience of a little Hebrew girl who unselfishly stepped into faith and became part of God’s redemption plan for mankind, and the awesome and unfathomable reality of Emmanuel — God with us…The lyrics “Fragile fingers sent to heal us, tender brow prepared for thorn…Tiny heart whose blood will save us…” come to life for me as I consider the inexplicable gift of a loving and merciful Heavenly Father, whose love for us was so great that He sent His only Son, to be wounded and pierced and rejected so that we could live. I look forward to celebrating all of that with a sense of awe, wonder and anticipation!

Hearts of Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T13:13:00.002-05:00

Well, over the month of November, in order to make the theme of "Thanksgiving" really come alive for each of my children, we lingered at the table after the supper dishes were cleared and then went around the table, each expressing what we were thankful for. I think that this really cultivated in me, especially, a heart of thanksgiving for the many blessings God has provided. To that end, I have started a Heart of Thanksgiving blessing journal, where each day I take time to reflect on the blessings that have come my way. Sometimes in the hectic pace of living, in the daily battle with the world and the flesh, it is so easy to lose sight of those little things -- a child's cherished smile, the thoughtful kiss of a husband, the answered prayer, the unexpected phone call or letter...But in using my little journal, I've come to really see how the Lord is so very gracious and good to me, despite me, and how He really is a good and loving Father who wants me to notice all those things He does for me...Much like I appreciate when my children notice all that I have done for them in the name of not merely duty or obligation, but out of unconditional and unending love. It has been a wonderful and joyful thing for me to give those moments of reflection to the Lord in praise with a heart of thanksgiving for all He has done and all He has yet to do! Enjoy a very blessed and merry Christmas!!!

Eat From the Pantry Challenge to Give....

2010-01-16T20:14:00.002-05:00

When I originally started this challenge, the year was fresh and the slate was clean, and I had high hopes for a better start to 2010 than the last few years have brought our family. I thought that I might use the money we saved to surprise my husband with some extra money to pay off our mortgage at the end of the year, but with the recent tragedy in Haiti God has laid it on my heart to give some extra toward those suffering. My home church is having a special offering this weekend that will go directly to Missionary partners we have sent to help in this time of dire need and sorrowful crisis. To that end, I am going to pray and seek the Lord in what amount, exactly, He would have us give. I think that it is important to look at those citizens in Haiti as brothers and sisters in Christ. It saddens me to even need to state something that should be so obvious to those of us who walk with Him, but there are so many people with a terrible worldview who do not embrace those who are suffering and reach out to them in His Name. I pray that those who survived the terrors of the earthquake are able to find peace in the days to come, help where they most need it and a spiritual cleansing possible only through the blood of Christ. Please take a moment today and pray for your brothers and sisters in Haiti.

God's blessings,
~mary

Eat from the Pantry Challenge...continued!

2010-01-13T17:54:00.002-05:00

I got a little behind with my updates. In fact, I am a little under the weather today, and have spent the majority of my day trying to rest and generally feel a little better. So far, I still have a headache, but I am praying that I can be joyful when my husband comes home.

On Monday, I confess I went to the grocery store. Mainly because we needed a few things like milk and fresh produce. I ended up not spending any money out of pocket, because we'd received a gift certificate for Christmas. The nice thing about that was that I also managed to come in under budget and still have a few dollars left to spend on the gift certificate!

I can't remember where I left off with the pantry meals -- I think the last one I recorded was before date night with my husband. So in general, we've polished off the clementines and some oranges and bananas for snacks, the kiddies ate cereal and instant oatmeal we had for breakfasts while I stuck to the old-fashioned oatmeal with slivered almonds, agave nectar and some kind of fruit if we had it. For lunches, we have used up leftovers and, on days where there were no leftovers to be had, ate ramen noodle soup or pb&j.

Dinners were a little more challenging. One night we had ground turkey with sauteed veggies over whole wheat pasta. I also made meat loaf, mashed potatoes and green beans and apple sauce (from a jar though, not homemade this time, since I was down to one apple -- didn't think it would stretch to feed all 8 of us!). The night my husband went hunting, 5 of the 6 kiddies went to sleepovers so Sammy and I used coupons and ate at Burger King. This was a very RARE treat, because we generally as a rule do not do fast food, but he was excited and the meal was very, very cheap with the coupon! Then last night I made something akin to chicken parmesean over linguine, but I'd forgotten to bread the chicken! So it was close, and a meal everyone enjoyed despite that small slip-up! Tonight we have a roast on that will now not languish in the freezer, complete with onions, potatoes and carrots (all of which I had!). Oh -- and somewhere in there I made three loaves of homemade whole wheat bread with homemade honey butter, and doctored up a loaf of store-bought Italian bread, splitting it and brushing with garlic butter and broiling to come up with a fresh garlic bread. We will probably finish up the whole wheat bread tonight, which will mean I need to make more of some type of bread tomorrow. It's getting to be so nice not to have to buy bread at the store anymore.

On top of this, we've used fresh fruits, cheeses (from Christmas!) or leftover ice cream to snack on for desserts.

Not too bad. We are so very blessed. I am especially thinking of that today as I am praying for those in Haiti who have been lost or who lost loved ones or who are just trying to help put things back together again. God's mercies are so good, and I am praying that this tragedy will draw people closer to Him, and that we who are not directly affected will be thankful for our blessings and mindful of those dear fellow humans who have and may currently be suffering.

God bless you and draw you ever closer!
~mary

Some quick thoughts

2010-01-07T23:21:00.002-05:00

I have been very committed to trying the "Eat from the Pantry Challenge" and have been devoting a regular time every day to writing about it. In doing so, I wonder if I am neglecting other thoughts and topics that might be more meaningful -- both for me and for any of my readers. I find that I can get so off-track when I am left unaccountable, and maybe that is why I've felt compelled to post about my progress. However, I started to wonder if maybe I need to be accountable in other things as well. So I am taking the rest of the evening to pray and reflect on some of the goals I have for 2010. In doing so I am hoping to re-think the direction I'm going in to a certain extent, because I want to accomplish so much more than I have in the past. I am hoping, dear readers, that you will bear with me while I struggle with my thoughts, and that you won't think it too chaotic of me if I change my pattern and pace. For now, I will probably keep my focus on my pantry challenge, but I might add other posts for other areas. Because I am considering expanding my thoughts, I will try to start organizing my posts a little better in the future. Thank you all so much for being so loving and patient, and inspiring and challenging, and for keeping me accountable!

blessings!!
~mary

Pantry Challenge Day 5

2010-01-07T23:05:00.005-05:00

Well all, there really is no great update for today, because today was Date Night!!!

We did eat breakfast and lunch at home though. For breakfast the kiddies finished off the rice with milk, cinnamon and sugar, and I had oatmeal with agave nectar and almond slivers (but no strawberries because I ran out!). For lunch, I made up three packets of ramen noodle soup and added about 1/4 cup of alphabet noodles we buy in bulk, plus about 1/4 of a package of frozen veggies. This kind of extends the soup for us. The kiddies had navel oranges for a snack, and I had a clementine, and then later for an after school snack there were leftover Christmas cookies we are working our way through.

Now to explain about the date night. First of all, my husband and I received money from grandparents for Christmas, and one thing I purchased that I thought might enrich our marriage was an entertainment guide for 2010 for our area. I thought that it would be a nice way to save money while indulging in a regular date night to enhance our marriage. Anyway...

My six children attend a Bible Club down the road. The family that runs it as their ministry are very generous with their dedication to the program. They not only pick up and drop off all the children that attend (ages 5 and up!), they also provide a meal in addition to the Bible study and song time. Our family has been so very blessed by the sweet and constant outreach that this family provides. One of the extra benefits is that once in a while Les and I will decide to have a date night out. This gives us some much-needed time to talk about family goals and such. We did that tonight.

It was so nice to sit across from my husband and talk about some of the things we hoped to accomplish in our family for 2010 without the constant interruption of little ones -- or bigger ones -- and the ever-present vying for attention that can sometimes sabotage a marital relationship if the parents are not committed to making their marriage a priority. It's not that the children are not important, but we have always believed in making our marriage the first priority and the children second. After all, some day they will move on in whatever direction God calls them. We wanted to always keep a strong friendship and partnership and love for one another so that when the empty nest occurs we still have love and appreciation for each other and still have fun.

So. Although today did find me using food stores for breakfast, lunch and snacks, I blessedly did not have to cook a meal tonight! And even though we spent a little money, it was a nice and enjoyable evening! God bless all of you! More updates on our challenge tomorrow!

~mary

2010-01-07T10:09:00.004-05:00

Hi everyone! I absolutely love the bags that Megan has offered at

http://www.halfpinthouse.com/2010/01/just-in-time-for-valentines-day-buildabag.html

Please check them out if you have time. She is so very creative!!!

Pantry Challenge Day 4

2010-01-06T22:33:00.002-05:00

Well, folks, I'm still participating in the Eat from the Pantry challenge. My 9 yo daughter asked today what a pantry was, and I explained that it is kind of a place where we store food. Then she wanted examples, so I went on to tell her that all of our stored food was kind of in a pantry. That led me to start thinking about exactly how we do store our food, and I was amazed to find that we have a lot of different places where we keep our food stores -- we have 2 freezers in the basement, a shelf for canned goods in the basement, several bins with miscellaneous snacks and cereals I'd stocked up on before, cans stacked in pyramids (or towers, depending on what my 5 yo decides) next to one of my hutches, a jelly cupboard full of, well, jellies and even some homemade pickles and store-bought staples like peanut butter and olive oil, and the bookshelves and other niches in the kitchen that happen to be stacked with food. God is just so very gracious!! That was a lot more than I'd thought. In fact, I even have a plastic bag (like from the supermarket) hanging from the curtain tie bar that contains two bags of potato chips we didn't end up opening on New Year's Eve.

So I do have a lot of food in the house, somewhere. The question then becomes How do I know what I have? and How can I find what I need when I want it? So my goal, after eating up our stores of food this month, will be to re-organize what I have and where I put it. I am trying to be more thoughtful about it and will post my ideas when I come up with a workable plan. For now, though, here was today's menu:

For breakfast the kiddies had leftover white rice (from supper last night) heated with milk, sugar and cinnamon. I had oatmeal with agave nectar, strawberries and slivered almonds. It was filling for me and should keep my glucose levels pretty stable. For lunch all the kiddies had ramen noodle soup. I had to take a friend to the doctor, and he ended up getting admitted to the hospital, so his wife asked if I could stop at Burger King, where she had coupons and we ate lunch together. In situations like that I don't want to be ungenuine in my concern or snobbish about her thoughtfulness, so even though I had to veer off my diet for a meal, I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. While en route to the hospital, I called my 14 yo daughter and had her go down and see what kind of meat was in the freezer. I had some ham in there that was pre-sliced and bagged into different meal servings (ie, steaks, cubed, etc.). She brought up two baggies of ham that was sliced in steaks, and I used some yellow- and green- split peas I had, along with carrots, celery, onion, garlic and a leek, plus a little salt and pepper, to make a split pea soup. Because I personally do not eat pork products, I cooked the ham separate and added it to each serving bowl. This made the meat actually stretch a little further, and I didn't have to flavor my own serving of soup with the ham (though I have to admit it smelled really yummy!). For bed snacks the kiddies had ice cream. I snacked on a peeled and sliced cucumber off and on all day (small slices!) and was pretty satisfied. I also drank a LOT of water today, which is really nice because with the heater on this time of year I often feel my skin wanting to dry up.

I hope you are all enjoying God's faithful provision. God bless you and keep you!
~mary

Pantry Challenge Day 3

2010-01-05T22:48:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone! I hope that you are all doing well and have been blessed by the pantry challenge if you're participating.

I was listening to a sermon on the radio today about giving and thought that it would be nice to take some of the money that we save and consider it for helping others, whether that be donating it to a local charity, adding it to our regular giving or missions giving at church or finding someone who is in need and lending a helping hand in a practical and tangible way. We kind of did that around Christmas time, when we stretched some money out of our Christmas budget to be a blessing to a loved one. Someone knocked on our door and gave us a gift certificate to a local store in the exact same amount. God really loves it when we try to reach others, and even if we had not gotten anything back at all, we felt so good to be a blessing! He knows the attitude of our hearts. I love the passage in 2 Corinthians 9, which talks about this. Paul is talking to the church at Corinth about sowing, and reaping from what has been sowed, stating:

"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." ~2 Corinthians 9:7-8

I think the Lord is really working on my heart in this for 2010. It's not that I haven't considered giving before -- I have given, and I do give when I can. Giving, to me, is more than just sending in a check. Sometimes it's giving time, or talents, or even something as simple as taking a neighbor to a doctor appointment. Or making a phone call or writing a letter or stopping in to visit. Or leaving coupons (that have not expired) on a shelf next to an item for someone who might truly need them. But I really want to be more purposeful in my giving this year, to reach out in a more practical way. And I'm not sure quite yet what that might mean, but I am trying to be still enough to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit in this.

I am starting to see that saving money this month can bless more than just my husband and family. And so I am determined to stick with the pantry challenge as much as I can, and maybe take it even through February. But we'll have to see how that works out, because I am not so unrealistic as to think that I've stocked up quite that much food, and as I wrote previously, I do want to make things that are nutritious where I can, which means fresh produce and dairy.

Today we all woke up late. This actually translates to: Will and Emma, my only children in public school, missed the bus -- which also meant that they missed breakfast. And that I had to rush to get them there. We walked into the building right after they finished the announcements and the Pledge of Allegiance, so we were not terribly late. But we all had fruit on the way. Lunch was leftovers from last night's supper. Which was good because I don't have them lingering in the back of the fridge like some homeschool science experiment gone wrong!

For supper tonight I made rice, with enough extra for other meals like breakfasts this week, and thawed and cooked what I consider a taco-flavored ground beef. Basically it was rice topped with the meat mixture. And I had so much more ground beef thawed than I thought that I ended up cooking it all together then separating enough for another day's meal. I froze the extra meat, put the extra cooked rice in the fridge and was pretty satisfied with how the meal turned out. Most everyone wanted seconds too, and I had just enough after removing the planned leftovers -- because if you leave it til after the meal, there's not enough left 90% of the time (last night was a rareity).

The kiddies enjoyed ice cream cups for a bedtime snack, and Les ate the last piece of Hershey pie that was in the freezer. So now those temptations are gone for the moment. Now I need to find a nice late night snack/dessert that will work to satisfy my cravings but not add on pounds or make my blood sugar skyrocket. That will probably take a while and maybe a bit of experimenting, but for tonight I just had water and while it wasn't as satisfying in a taste sense, it was nice to know that I did not eat something I probably should not have. I am trying to keep an honest food journal, so I don't want to overdo it.

Anyway, putting together meals using what I already have has been good so far. I am hoping to develop a pantry list this weekend and then come up with a skeleton menu using the items we have, but for now I'm just winging it day by day, and praying that He will really help me to stick to my plans. I am so glad He is faithful! Hope you all enjoy a good night's rest and wake up feeling refreshed!

blessings,
~mary

Pantry Challenge Day 2

2010-01-04T21:48:00.003-05:00

Today I was ambitious when I got up, but then I did Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred and changed my mind about some things....It's not that I changed my mind about the whole pantry challenge, but I think I need to re-work my cooking plans just a little. So, here's what I came up with today:

For breakfast I had homemade oatmeal with strawberries, almonds and a little agave nectar. The kiddies finished up some cereal that we opened not that long ago, which is good because sometimes the milk sours if no one gets to it. Not the case this time, thankfully! For a mid-morning snack to help learn to eat more healthfully and use up some of the produce I purchased, I had two clementines. The kiddies had pan cookies I made the other day that survived the hubby, and bananas and oranges somewhere in there too.

When it was time for lunch we'd gotten quite a bit of homeschooling done, which pleased me immensely. It was a good start to the new year, and I'm hopeful we don't lose any of the momentum we had. It's so easy to get a good start on something but then get caught up or busy or distracted or...well, a number of things. I am really praying each day that the Lord will help us to plow forward, even if it's in little baby steps. That's sooo much better than remaining stagnent in my opinion. So for lunch I made a pizza with dough I'd had in the freezer, pepperoni and cheese we had left from the holiday and sauce I'd used in something a few days ago and had just enough left over. When the other two kiddies got home from public school, everyone was allowed to have a piece of chocolate and a cookie just to get rid of it and not let it go to waste! I ended up making a lot of cookies, toffee and fudge (the real kind from scratch, with no marshmallow at all), so we have snacks through the end of the week at least!

I was not really sure what I wanted to do about dinner. I had asked one of the kiddies to bring some ground beef up from the freezer yesterday, but he forgot...and I forgot to double-check this morning. So. It was dinner time and I didn't know what to do. What I ended up with was a concoction of pasta sauce that I made by sauteeing a Vidalia onion (I never use any other kind!), red pepper and one yellow squash in olive oil with salt, pepper, a pinch of oregano and a dash of sugar. When that got nice and soft, I added a few grape tomatoes that I quartered, along with some finely chopped spinach, and a can of crushed tomatoes (my secret shortcut in most cases). I served this delicious and nutritious sauce over pasta I had in the cupboard. It was a nice way to sneak in veggies, although I can't complain that my children are picky very often. But still, they didn't even realize how many veggies were in the sauce. As a treat, instead of water (which we drink with almost every meal and all day every day), I let the kiddies finish up the soda we'd gotten to make punch on New Year's, and it was just enough for a little cup each. We finished off the homemade bread from yesterday too (which is my cue to make more tomorrow!), and for bed snacks the kiddies each had a pan cookie.

Hopefully tomorrow we're having homemade bread, meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans or a side salad, but I'll let you know how that turns out! In the alternative a friend just sent me a recipe for a soup that is similar to a cheeseburger-type soup, and I can't wait to try that. I think, though, that I am out of one of the ingredients and so it might have to wait til next month. We'll see!

I hope God is richly blessing you in this new year and that you are following His lead in your life! God bless!!!!

~mary

Pantry Challenge Day 1

2010-01-03T21:55:00.002-05:00

I had a great day today! First of all, four of the kiddies slept over a friend's house, so I made eggs and toast for Les before he went on no-heat service calls (and was subsequently gone all day long...), and hard-boiled eggs for the other two kiddies and myself, accompanied by oranges, for breakfast. For lunch we had some tomato soup, solely due to the cold. For supper I was going to put together chicken and dumplings, but I had baked two loaves of bread so we were low on flour. Instead, I used what I had to concoct a chicken, leek and veggie soup. This went great with the hot and crusty bread -- which I served with homemade honey butter spread (using up some of the butter I had stocked up on for Christmas baking). To top off this meal, I made chocolate chip pan cookies. Les loves these, and since he'd worked so hard both yesterday and today, I thought it was a nice way to show my love and appreciation.

I did go to the grocery store, but I only went to purchase dish soap and laundry soap because we were in dire need of both -- funny, I must've forgotten to stock up during December because I usually have back-ups in abundance! So I did pay a little more than I would normally, but Les was in need of work clothes since he worked through the weekend, and that just couldn't wait til our usual trip to Walmart for things like paper towels, toiletries and such. I did add three other cleaning items to my trip that we probably could have waited on, but I wanted to get a good start on cleaning this week. I spent just under $20 and was pretty frustrated that I hadn't had a chance to look for a sale or coupons. However, I know that I am low on those specific items so I can keep an eye out for sales in the next few weeks. The nice thing is that we can hold off on our Walmart trip -- maybe even til next month if all goes well and the kiddies don't waste what toiletries we have by purposeful spills or the like. So yay!!!

I am really praying about being more purposeful in my planning, and in my spending, and in taking time in general to show my family how much I love them. I know that the Lord has been calling me to prepare a little more too. So this pantry challenge is helping me to think a little creatively about how I can fulfill several goals. One thing I especially want to do in this is to rely more on His grace and wisdom - and less on my own self. Sometimes I worry so much about doing everything "just so", and in this I think I can learn to improvise a little and to trust that He can meet the needs of our family in various ways. Meanwhile, I am praying to be a blessing to others. Today I had the opportunity to drive a car-less neighbor to the hospital for a sleep study. While sometimes this does not seem like much to me, or even maybe to others, it gives me a chance to do "something" just where I am. As a busy homeschooling mother, sometimes I feel like I don't do enough. But I am praying that He will lead me to do that "something", even if it seems small and insignificant to me.

Anyway, we'll see how things go tomorrow. I am really looking forward to emptying the freezer so nothing is wasted, and getting it cleaned and defrosted in time for next month, where I will attempt a Once a Month (or maybe slightly modified) cooking plan! So stay tuned....

Eat from the Pantry Challenge

2010-01-02T14:26:00.002-05:00

Well, I have several goals in mind that I set for myself this year...Of course there are the usual goals for Bible study, reading lists, homeschooling, etc. But this year I really and truly want to be a blessing to my husband.

I am in charge of a certain amount of money every month, out of which I usually pay the electric bill, the cable/internet, the cell phones (now our only phones!) and the groceries, in addition to kiddie activities. Well, just saving it seemed like a nice idea, and I am sure that I am going to work on that. But I was so impressed by Crystal's ability to put her trust in the Lord and actually achieve her family's financial goal (see her post at http://www.moneysavingmom.com/) that I determined I wanted to work on being that kind of blessing for my husband and family too. I think the best way I can do this is to save money and present my husband with a sizeable (if not all) portion of the money to pay off our Home Equity Line of Credit we got when we were a little more naive about our finances. This is going to be a pretty lofty goal for me, as I grew up in a home where "entitlement" was practiced, if not named, and I have always had a hard time with money because of that. However, I think that being able to pull this off will be such a wonderful surprise for my husband (so shhhhhh!).

So to start working toward this goal, I'm going to attempt to participate in the Eat from the Pantry challenge (http://www.moneysavingmom.com/money_saving_mom/2009/12/eat-from-the-pantry-challenge-my-goals-and-plans-and-come-link-up-yours-too.html). Our family ran low on some paper and cleaning products, so we'll need to run to the store for things like toothpaste, dish soap and laundry detergent. But I am going to try to use sales and coupons for those things, or make what I can from scratch with what I have on hand. Then we will limit our other purchases to milk, eggs and maybe some fresh fruits and veggies for the remainder of the month. Not that we always eat from a box or anything, but we have quite a bunch of stuff in the cupboard and in the freezer that should be eaten anyway, and poor and lazy planning often causes me to stop at the store for "one more thing" to make a meal, when a substitute or some creativity would have saved us money too. And -- this will also give me a chance to empty the cupboards of some of the things my kiddies love that might not be the healthiest and re-stock in the future with fresh foods.

I am really very excited and can't wait to see how the menu comes together for the rest of the month! I hope some of you will share your ideas for meals using what you have on hand! And in preparation for future meals, I am looking into Once a Month Cooking too, so if you have any recipes that are tried and true, please share those too! My family of 8 eats just about anything -- I am the pickiest and since I am the chef that usually doesn't work out too bad!! I will let you know how much money I squeeze into a savings account at the end of the month!

2009-11-26T00:24:00.002-05:00

Outside my window...I see the streetlight illuminating the foggy darkness.
I am thinking...that the Lord has given me so many things to be thankful for!
I am thankful for...my husband and children, my family and friends, the basics and the faculties to live a productive and happy life.
I am wearing...jeans and a dressy black shirt -- but getting ready to go to bed shortly!
I am remembering...my babies, my grandmother and grandfather, and my mother-in-law who are waiting for me in Heaven.
I am going...to rest before I have to get up and cook!
I am reading..."Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations" by Alex and Brett Harris.
I am hoping...that it will be a white Christmas!
On my mind...I am praying for those who are in need, are alone, or feel they have nothing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
From the learning rooms...we had a light week this week, although we talked about thankfulness and tried some craft projects.
Noticing that...I can't sleep tonight for some reason.
Pondering these words..."God has a lot to say on the subject of how women are to view and relate to those in authority over them..." (From "So Much More" by Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin)
From the kitchen...Smells wonderful -- I made homemade applesauce for our Thanksgiving meal.
Around the house...I am trying to keep things neat and tidy, and am enjoying the last few days of my fall decor.
One of my favorite things...is to hear what my children have to say about being thankful and praising God for our blessings!!!
From my picture journal...nothing today...

You can also participate in the Simple Woman's Daybook by visiting her blog at www.thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com

Something Worth Celebrating...

2009-11-25T23:50:00.003-05:00

Forty-two years ago today, two people were joined together in holy matrimony -- and are still married! That may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people, but in the current climate so prevalent in today's culture, it is something certainly worthy of notice and celebration. However, I am very thankful for my parents, and for the love and morals and values that were practiced in our home and served as examples...Sure, there were times when the example was more of what not to do....but the joys I recall from my childhood centered on the practice of faith, the model of love and the immersion of living out values like trust, honesty, hard work, courage, and commitment...

For thousands of years couples have joined together and created the core of society -- the family. However, these days families are so -- dare I say it? -- disjointed, immoral...just plain wrong. And often they certainly do not always model what the Almighty set in place. I don't want to criticize anyone's circumstances, but I do want to point out that the key to staying together for 42 years -- or more, God willing -- is commitment. That seems to be lacking in many "try it on first" relationships, that often end up being temporary. In fact, I know many people who signed mortgage papers with a partner before they walked down the aisle, and even with the poor excuse of finances and economy, it is just unthinkable to me. I am not discounting faith in this equation -- commitment is easier when God is in the midst and the couple in question have a solid foundation in faith.

My parents have shared many joys, many sorrows. I have witnessed their arguments, their apologies, their love and their thoughtfulness in so many ways...Little things, done or said, a tender look or touch. I am thankful for that.

A committed spouse will be there "...for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc...." The Lord knows I have been blessed with a husband who has stood by me through illnesses, two miscarriages and the depression that went along with it, and who has always been a steady rock by my side, giving support and holding my hand whenever I needed it. We've gone through many financial ups and downs, have supported one another when in pursuit of various goals and dreams, and have cried to one another when things went sour. My husband has been -- and remains -- a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board for my thoughts, dreams and ideas, and sometimes the one I vent to when I am frustrated, angry or sad. I cannot imagine that someone with a less-than-stellar level of commitment would still be here, day in, day out, experiencing and sharing the drudgery of life (at times) with me. It's not that there are not sunny days -- there are many. But someone without commitment may feel the need to pursue the sun and leave the dark days behind them., whether many or few in number.

And so it's appropriate to take the time to celebrate a marriage that has succeeded where many have not, to thank God for His joining of the couple and for His blessing on their relationship. I know that I am thankful for the model I had growing up and pray that my husband and I can model the best qualities for our children too.

Happy Anniversary, Mommy & Daddy!!! I love you both so much!!!

A Thankful Heart

2009-11-24T08:44:00.002-05:00

This Thanksgiving season I have been taking time to contemplate about the things that the Lord God has done for our family, rather than focus on the negative and distressing things that have occurred over the last year or so...

First, and most importantly, I am thankful to Almighty God for His love, grace and mercy. His amazing gift in the death, burial and resurrection of Christ guarantees those who call upon His Name a place in heaven, free from the eternal damnation in hell -- which is sadly these days a message oft overlooked in the effort to allow everyone to "feel good". However, without such a precious and wonderful gift, there would be no hope of anything after death. But through Christ's sacrifice, we have hope, and we can cling to that hope whether times are easy or hard to bear, knowing that we have the victory at the end through Christ.

I am so blessed to have a wonderful loving and hard-working husband, who has a job (another thing to be thankful for in this difficult and trying economy!). I enjoy his friendship, the conversations we have, the fun activities we engage in and just his presence overall. I am thankful for the children the Lord has loaned to me and pray that I do them justice in raising them to know Him and honor Him. I am thankful for my parents and my in-laws, who raised both my husband and myself with a sense of morals and values that have withstood the tests placed upon us by time and a culture that seems to have turned away from things worthy and of value to embrace the fleeting pursuits of life that bring only temporary pleasure. I am thankful for the confidences I have shared with my beloved sister, the joy I have had in spending time with her and with my nieces and nephew, and the good-natured pranks and teasing that are part of our relationship.

I am thankful for my health, which although not perfect, allows me to experience life using all my senses and faculties...and I don't know that I always remember to thank Him just because of that reason alone. I would not be able to pursue my favorite activities - reading, writing, crafting singing, and baking to name a few - if it were not for the abilities that the Lord has granted me with in His mercy and love, and it is some of these things that distinguish me as unique and individual from among the other amazing creations He has wrought with His mighty hands!

Despite the current discouraging climate in this political arena of late, I am so blessed to live in a country where I can read God's Word without fear of arrest or torture, that I can instruct my children in His ways, that I can praise Him anywhere and everywhere I go, and that I have the freedom to worship in those ways. I am so thankful for the men and women who have fought and are fighting to protect our freedoms, from those who journeyed here before the Europeans did, for those who braved the seas and came, and for those who melded together for the common goal of creating a nation where freedom and liberty were paramount and thus secured...I am thankful for those who rose up in courage to speak out against dictators, heresies and the like to grant us all the opportunity to pursue freedom and happiness and who joined together to create the republic form of government which allows each of us to be part of the political system and elect leaders we believe will be trustworthy to bear the burdens of governing over the small towns, rural areas, cities, counties, states and nation we hold dear.

I praise God for all of these gifts and more -- family and friends, neighbors and brothers and sisters in Christ here and around the world, food, clothing, shelter -- there are abundant blessings to count and we should all take time more than once each year to offer praise and thanksgiving to the Heavenly Father for His mercy and grace.

May you all experience a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!!!

The Simple Woman's Day Book Entry: Monday, 26 October 2009

2009-10-26T20:16:00.006-05:00

Outside my window...I enjoyed the still-turning leaves of yellow and red and orange earlier today – now it is dark in an almost wintery way.

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I am thinking...that I am truly very blessed, despite whatever illness has attacked my house -- I know that He has already bought our healing with His precious Blood!

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I am thankful for...my husband, my children, family and friends…and the promise of health.

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From the learning rooms...we covered a lesson in Mystery of History about Bar-Kokhba, a man during the Second Jewish Revolt who claimed he was the messiah – then discussed the importance of knowing the True Messiah, Yeshua.

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From the kitchen...I made a simple soup of chicken broth, alphabet noodles and frozen veggies to help us all with this illness.

I am wearing...pajamas, just like everyone else here who is not feeling the best.

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I am creating...a surprise for a Craft Swap Partner from the A Virtuous Woman site!!

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I am going...to be planning a more healthy and nutritious menu in the future.

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I am reading... The Ways of the Way: Restoring the Jewish Roots of the Modern Church by Raymond Robert Fischer.

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I am hoping...to be a blessing to my family.

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I am hearing...the wind, cars and the sound of my husband praying for our children.

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Around the house...things are unkempt and undone...

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One of my favorite things...is enjoying time to read a book or visit with friends.

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A few plans for the rest of the week: catching up on the cleaning, exchanging summer for winter clothing, and working on a nutritious menu for the week.

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Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

You can keep your own Simple Woman’s Day Book by going to: http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

The Missing Piece

2009-10-12T09:52:00.005-05:00

As I strive to live out a more intentional, purposeful life and immerse myself in the things of the Lord, I often find that there is a lot of white noise -- distraction, if you will. Sometimes in the flurry of activity that accompanies daily living, it gets more difficult to carve out that peaceful quiet time in order to seek out that perfect will of God. I have to say that I love all of my "distractions" (family) because I feel so blessed to be able to have experienced being a wife and mother of those dear to me. However, there are times when I try to seek out quiet pockets of time -- and I just cannot find them in the chaos that comes in having a large family.

However, aside from the normal distractions of family, commitments and the like, there are also some other things that seem to me to get in the way of my understanding the Scriptures. Mainly, I feel that I lack the basic understanding of the Jewish customs and references and traditions that enhance and make clear the beauty of the New Testament. For example -- how can anyone completely realize the symbolism of Christ as the Sacrificial Lamb without understanding the basis of how sin entered the world through Adam and Eve, how a blood sacrifice was required of God for the atonement of sin, how God delivered the Israelites from the Egyptians during Passover by having them sprinkle the blood of a lamb over their doorposts and instructing the Angel of Death to pass over those houses but take the life of the firstborn of each family who was not protected by the covering of the blood of the lamb...the list goes on.

Many parables and New Testament instructions were plain to the people of the day, because Jesus was a practicing Jew who was knowledgeable of the traditions and customs of the people, and who clearly knew the Torah.

I am thankful that our pastor does not avoid the Old Tetsament, as it seems to me that many pastors of Christian churches do. There is a whole culture of Christians who feel that the Old Testament is irrelevant, and a whole movement called "replacement theology" that is attempting to divert God's promises for the Jewish people out of any Christian teaching. This is WRONG! The Scriptures tell us to pray for the peace of Jerusalem, that the Israelites are the apple of God's eye. God is the same -- yesterday, today, tomorrow -- unchanging and constant and stable. His love for the gentiles is a truth, but cannot replace the fact that the Jewish people are His chosen ones.

It frustrates and angers me when I hear that people who practice Christianity are spewing hate against the Jewish people for any reason. One often expressed is that some accuse Jews of "killing Jesus"...First of all, Jesus was undeniably Jewish. He was a rabbi, a teacher, thoroughly indoctrinated in Judaism and following the rules, rites, customs and such of the Jewish faith. When Christians are ignorant of those teachings, I feel it opens the door to more unwarranted and unnecessary prejudice against that blessed line of people. The Jewish religious may not have recognized Jesus as the Messiah, but can we so easily fault them and force blame where it is not deserved? There are Christians today who would not recognize Christ because of wrong perception...Do we really think that He would be standing at the pulpit and dialoging on the evils and horrors of sin while eschewing the very sinners He sought to save? I would venture to guess that if He was indeed walking on earth at this stage in history, He would be among the sinners and ministering to them at the place of their need. He would be merciful and loving, not refusing to associate with any. However, some Christians actually refuse to meet sinners where they are, feeling that to do so would somehow tarnish their own righteousness.

At a Christian assembly opened to the public one time, I was appalled to hear several Christians judging those around us who were smoking and swearing and who certainly did not appear to be Christians, saying that they should not have attended...However, the purpose of the assembly was to reach out to the lost (and who were they to know the hearts of those standing there anyway!?). If I was unsaved, I would have left in disgust to think that brothers and sisters walking supposedly with Christ were so narrow-minded as to exclude me based on outward appearances, but also the hypocrisy was a loud and clear message to the masses -- it seemed to scream "Come back when you have no sin!" And yet...Jesus died for that sin and already covered it. Sometimes it just takes a while for the gift to get to the recipient. Attitudes like that in the hearts of those who are Christian are driving people away from God rather than to Him, which saddens me considerably. At any rate...back to my original thoughts. I apologize for the tangent.

Jesus, as a Jewish man, would have also celebrated as ordained by God in the Torah. We as Christians are lacking when we fail to understand the Biblical significance of the Old Testament Biblical celebrations, such as Yom Kippur and Passover. God outlined His laws throughout the Torah (which are the first five books of our Bible or the Old Testament: Genesis through Deuteronomy). In fact, many Christians just ignore these Scripture passages as being tedious or unnecessary because Jesus has freed Christians from the burden of the law. However, Jesus himself claimed after His famous Sermon on the Mount:

"Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven." ~Matthew 5:17-20.

We can see that Jesus did not abolish the commandments ordained by God. We are free from the burden of the sin the law carries, but it does not mean that we can live our lives ignoring what God has set forth in His Word. Christianity is based on so much, and when pastors refuse to preach of hell or God's righteousness in favor of a "feel good" kind of message, they are doing a disservice to the people in denying them the whole story. Of course everyone likes to feel good and not think about the consequences of their sins, but the whole point of Jesus' amazing sacrifice cannot ever be fully appreciated when a person is unaware of the true gift of His saving grace. I am so aware of how my sins could have caused me to spend eternity in death, but that through God's saving grace, He allowed His only Son to die and take on not just my own sin, but the sins of everyone, in order that I could be free to spend eternity with Him. Without the knowledge of hell and the eternal damnation and separation from all that is good, a person really cannot fully comprehend what Christ's sacrifice has given. Can we then really expect that a person saved with a "feel good" kind of message will fully understand the why and how of avoiding sin, how the enemy tries to trap them or how they need to live intentionally for the Lord? I am not saying it cannot be done at all, but how much more deeply can we accomplish living a life for God when we know what our sins cost.

Although there are of course secular Jewish people, the religious Jews are still holding true to the traditions that stemmed from God in His Word, and though we as Christians may feel that we are justified in ignoring God's precepts, we are sorely mistaken. To live a life set apart from the world, we have to immerse ourselves in God's Word thoroughly -- both Old and New Testament should be given equal devotion, for one is inexorably linked to the other. They are not meant to be read as separate and apart, but as one complete picture of God's plan for our salvation.

I think that it is extremely important and necessary that Christians learn and put into practice some of the oracles of God that were written down so carefully for us thousands of years ago. To ignore the one part in favor of the other is to deny that part of God's commandments. We do not have to get so caught up in the learning of and adhering to the letter of the law that we lose focus or sight of God's mercy and grace as He has called us to accept the gift of the blood of His Lamb; however, we cannot live Christian lives that are ignorant of the desires of God to follow after His commandments. He is merciful, loving and forgiving; however, He is still a righteous and just judge. God reveals so much of His character throughout the Old Testament, especially through the Torah, which many Jews and Christians believe was given by God Himself directly to Moses.

The Old Testament is often the missing piece, and we, as Christians, need to embrace the beautiful stories and mysteries and precepts of the Old Testament to get a better, deeper understanding of who God really is and what God desires for us. In doing so, we can find our purpose, live intentionally and grow closer to Him as we embrace the gifts He has given to us and then, in turn, share His love, mercy and compassion with others.

Some Catching Up...

2009-09-13T22:41:00.002-05:00

I truly hate to leave things undone, including keeping up with my correspondence with family and friends. I have let this blog go for far too long, and although I always resolve to "start and then keep up with it", I am afraid that sometimes our lives get so busy and hectic that it is not a terrible priority and so it gets forgotten in favor of far more pressing things. So, dear friends, I do not want to promise once again that I will faithfully enter the daily journals that I wish I could, but I will promise to write more regularly...Aiming at first for once a week. It is my heartfelt desire to chronicle this homeschool year, as things have begun a little unexpectedly.

You see, at some point during the summer my dear husband decided that we would keep our oldest daughter, Kayla, home this year. I struggled most of the time trying to figure out where I should place her with regard to the studies I am doing with my middle daughter, Sara. At this time they do much of the same work. Sara seems to be more apt to remember and recall information, and this I attribute largely to the fact that she's always been homeschooled using Charlotte Mason's principle of narration.

Kayla tells me often, while rolling her eyes, that she has covered a topic before, but when I probe for details, she cannot recall a single one! Kayla is a product of public school education for the most part, with only a short year or so having been at home. She thrives on being in the classroom, and I feel this is largely because when she first was placed with us as a seven year-old child, she was used to going to a public school, which seemed to be her only truly "safe" place. By the time her adoption finalization came about (along with her two sisters and her younger brother, all of whom are here with us!), she had been in our school system for two years while I homeschooled my other four adopted children. Two months after their finalization in court in December, we found out we were expecting our first biological child, and so the remainder of the school year was busy and hectic and we decided to let Kayla stay until she completed that school year.

At the time I did not mind so much, because the little school that served our country community was located right across the street, with one classroom per grade from kindergarten through grade four. The whole school seemed like an extension of the community, and reflected some old-fashioned values that one does not often find in public schools today. Sadly, our school district closed three country schools, and our own nearby school was one of them.

I find that I need to go, as my "baby", who will turn five in just a little over two weeks, has something akin to a flu and he is crying for me. I hope that those of you who read this post will pray for us this year as we undertake the next stage of our adventures in homeschooling and life.

Blessings,
~Mary

Two Very Good Books About Faith

2009-04-24T22:48:00.004-05:00

It is rare, dear friends, that I have time to sit and read a book for my own leisure these days. With trying to manage homeschool, the household and my own education, I have sadly neglected the little (well -- large!) "To Be Read" pile in various places about the house, concentrating solely on things that I need to read to get through lessons, plan lessons or finish my own homework. That is not to say that I'm not reading other practical books -- such as gardening, as I am not well versed in that subject. But reading solely for the pleasure of reading is a past-time I've had to set aside in this particular busy season. It has saddened me, as I've not often had long spells of time without some sort of book to look forward to. However, I felt myself coming down with a slight cold, which usually accompanies that womanly cycle every month. This month it was extremely difficult, having my darling Mati so fresh in my thoughts. And so when I realized that I was actually getting a more developed cold than usual, I went immediately to the library to borrow two books that I've anticipated reading for a while now, as there has been no extra money for book purchases in the last few months.

The first book was titled "The Centurion's Wife" and is a collaborated effort by Janette Oke, who has written scores of lovely Christian fiction books, and Davis Bunn, an author with whom I was not familiar -- but whose works I will be looking up the next time I take a trip to the library. This was a lovely story set in the days between Jesus' Resurrection and the first Pentecost. The two main characters, centurion Alban and his betrothed, Leah, are each searching for the truth about what happened after the crucifixion -- Had Jesus been dead when He was laid in the tomb? What really happened to His body? Their search leads them both toward the same wonderful conclusion -- Jesus is alive! This book is the first in a series and I anxiously await the second book.

The other book I read is one of the loveliest autobiographies I've had the honor to devour - as I completed the book in a day. Written by Maria Augusta Trapp herself, "The Story of the Trapp Family Singers" paints the most wonderful picture of a family who walked out their faith daily through the joys and sorrows of life. I felt as though I were Mrs. Trapp's confidante as I read through the pages of this heartwarming and somewhat familiar story. The beauty of the family mottoes, which seemed to be "God's Will Be Done" and "God's Will has no why", is thoughtfully told. I enjoyed the picture of this Catholic family's faith put into practice, walking out not only their trust in Him but also their service toward others. It serves as a good example to Christians of all denominations -- we all need to embrace His ways even more closely than we have and aspire to show His love to others in ways that we may have shied from previously because of embarassment, fear or apathy. This book has inspired me to find more ways to teach and inspire my own children to follow God with all their hearts and to show God's love to others in practical and simple ways. I especially enjoyed the close of the book, where Mrs. Trapp includes a quote from one of my favorite stories, Henry Van Dyke's "The Other Wise Man", which you may recall our family read aloud this past Christmas day.

These stories have touched me lately like no others and I am thankful that I took ill enough to slow the normal busy pace of my family and take a moment to return to the joy of reading. These books were edifying and made me aspire to walk even closer with my Lord. I hope you will take the time to read these, or other books, that inspire you as well!

God bless!!!
~Mary

Moving on...

2009-02-19T17:53:00.003-05:00

I've had a very difficult year to date - and it's still early on in 2009! After our miscarriage loss, I had to have two different surgeries, which ultimately resulted in an infection. I am still trying to deal with the physical pain of this loss, so the emotional part has only been addressed in little bits and pieces. Most recently (well, yesterday), I was in the hospital recovering from a laproscopy and was in the section of the hospital reserved for new mothers. It was heart-wrenching to hear the cries of newborn babies, knowing that my arms would again be empty come July, when I'd expected to welcome the baby we've now named Mati (Hebrew for "God's gift"). It was almost cruel of them to put me in that wing, and yet...I have to move on. I cannot shrink from babies merely because of my sorrow over the loss of both Jordan and Mati. I wonder if, after all of the physical trials I've gone through, the Lord is going to bless me in that way again or if four year-old Samuel will always remain the youngest living member of our family and the only baby I've ever had? It gets difficult, this thinking things through and contemplating it all. My husband feels that we should not try again - even though we never actually tried to conceive, as I've always thought it should be left up to the Lord. So I am a little discomforted and admittedly depressed in some ways, wondering what the future will bring. I am only able to move ahead day by day remembering that God has blessed us with six beautiful children - five adopted into our family and one miracle born to us. I am so thankful, because I know some people are not as blessed. If you think of it, dear friends, please keep me in your prayers.
~mary

Snow Angels

2009-02-05T13:16:00.003-05:00

Now that the lunch hour is over now here at our house, my three children decided to leave me to my own devices for a little while and go play in the fresh snow. Yesterday an odd thing happened in our county -- a thin storm passed through the very center, leaving only several towns with any snow at all (one of my husband's coworkers claimed almost a foot, while we got nothin'!)...So this morning the children were excited that our school district had a two hour delay and that there was snow all over the ground. The storm didn't amount to much, maybe one to three inches, depending on where you stand in the yard. But the cool thing is that it's the perfect snow to make snow angels -- something my four year-old's been wanting to do all winter! We read Ezra Keats' "Snowy Day" and the main thing he loved about the story was the part where the boy makes snow angels. So needless to say, little Sammy's outside right this minute, spreading his wings around!!! The innocence of childhood is such a beautiful and fragile and precious thing that needs to be cherished...I need to get some hot chocolate ready for the children because I know they'll be ready to come in shortly. So...God bless all of you, dear friends! And if you have the opportunity to make a snow angel or two, go to it with gusto!!
~mary

Valentine e-book offer from Living on a Dime...

2009-02-03T17:09:00.001-05:00

With the economy in such a state, it's a wonder that large families like mine are able to survive, let alone celebrate occassions like birthdays or holidays. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Living on A Dime was offering their Valentine on a Dime e-book for FREE...Yep, FREE!!! Just go to http://www.livingonadime.com/ebooks/valentinespr.html and you can get a copy. There are some great ideas in here to help make your Valentine's Day special without breaking the budget. Hope that helps some of you! My fav idea was the strawberries...I'm saving some of our grocery budget $$ for those!

Spring Cleaning Challenge

2009-02-02T19:43:00.002-05:00

I was really greatful to find the Spring Cleaning Challenge for Normal People at http://biblicalwomanhoodblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/spring-cleaning-for-normal-people.html. While I am sadly no longer expecting my baby and had complications from all that, I am only playing on the laptop tonight because I'm too loopy from this morning's surgery to really accomplish anything. However, I had been excited about the baby's arrival and had actually started trying to rearrange things and cull toys, clothes and other things that we no longer have use for – or things that are in just too bad shape to be repaired. I do plan on jumping right in to the challenge as soon as I feel better. Today, though, I will just continue catching up on some of my reading and such. But the rest of you might want to check it out!!!

My Ambitious Reading List

2009-01-25T22:05:00.003-05:00

Although I am always busy with my own schooling and homeschooling several of my children, I want to make some meaningful strides in my life this year and have chosen some books that reflect the topics I want to learn more about and the values I wish to espouse. Of course I have some fiction thrown in the list too...nobody's perfect!!! At any rate, I got this idea from several other bloggers that I visited randomly, so I am not sure to whom I should give the credit. Suffice it to say, though, that this is an excellant idea that I hope to continue each and every year. I will plan on posting my progress, but please do not expect any reports for a while...Due to my miscarriage I have been behind in other tasks that must take priority -- which is yet another reason I felt the need to write down my ambitious reading list for this year...If I write it down, it might actually be accomplished!

Without further ado, here is my incomplete reading list (I have already thought of a few other things I might like to add) in no particular order as to priority or favorites...

BOOKS TO READ in 2009
1. Family Driven Faith ~ Voodie Baucham, Jr.
2. Shepherding a Child’s Heart ~ Tedd Tripp
3. Be Fruitful and Multiply ~ Nancy Campbell
4. When Children Love to Learn ~ Elaine Cooper
5. For the Children’s Sake ~ Susan Schaeffer Macaulay
6. The Excellent Wife ~ Martha Peace
7. Following God With All Your Heart ~ Elizabeth George
8. My Heart’s In the Lowlands ~ Liz Curtis Higgs
9. The Eat Clean Diet ~ Tosca Reno
10. Nourishing Traditions ~ Sally Fallon
11. Food Storage 101 ~ Peggy Layton
12. Last Child in the Woods ~ Richard Lauv
13. Rashi’s Daughters, Book I : Joheved ~ Maggie Anton
14. How To Pick a Peach ~ Russ Parsons
15. Songs in the Key of Solomon: In the Word…and in the Mood ~ John & Anita Renfroe
16. More Hours in My Day ~ Emilie Barnes and Sheri Torelli
17. The Original Homeschool Series, 6 volumes ~ Charlotte Mason
18. A Year in the World ~ Frances Mayes
19. Beautiful in God’s Eyes ~ Elizabeth George
20. The Meal that Heals ~ Perry Stone
21. The Shack ~ William P. Young
22. Rhett Butler’s People ~ Donald McCaig
23. Total Truth ~ Nancy Pearcey
24. Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can’t Read, Write or Add ~ Charles Sykes
25. Bad Girls of the Bible ~ Liz Curtis Higgs
26. Country Wisdom Almanac ~ Storey Publishing
27. Cooking With Home Storage ~ Peggy Layton
28. Little Heathens: Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression ~ Mildred Armstrong Kalish
29. Debt-Proof Living ~ Mary Hunt
30. Don’t Make Me Count To Three ~ Ginger Plowman
31. Candymaking for Dummies
32. The Mission of Motherhood ~ Sally Clarkson
33. Breaking the Jewish Code ~ Perry Stone
34. Pride and Prejudice ~ Jane Austen
35. People of the Book ~ Geraldine Brooks

[I have decided that I will highlight the books I have completed, so that my reaaders might know how much I have accomplished...or not!]

Several of these books I have planned to read aloud to/with my husband either during a trip somewhere (church, store, etc.) or during our personal time. However, the majority are books that I hope will serve to help me learn essential spiritual truths or homemaking skills as I continue in my walk with Christ and try to be the best wife and mother possible. Of course, the number one book that is not listed on my current list is the Bible -- although there have been some days lately that have started out all wrong (such as the day I found out we'd lost the baby), I am trying to devote even more daily time to reading God's Word and drinking deeply of the spiritual truths. So far my readings have served to give me much comfort during this difficult time, in addition to revealing areas where I need to improve upon my attitude and walk with the Lord. No other book is as important to me, and if I never get to the rest of them because of the busy demands of a large family, I will have at least read the Book that matters the most!

God bless you all and have a wonderful week!!!

~mary

Praying for the President

2009-01-21T00:04:00.003-05:00

Though many rejoice and many despair over the swearing in of a new president, President Obama needs prayer. The Lord wants us to pray for those in authority over us -- and yes, that would include our new president. It is especially crucial at this time, as he is taking over office. I urge my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to consider joining the Presidential Prayer Team and commit to praying for President Obama and his administration not only during the first 100 days, but throughout his term of office. The Lord can touch any heart and change any person, and give wisdom and knowledge and blessing, when people pray to God. I am including a link for you all so that you can examine this wonderful prayer ministry for yourselves. We need to pray that the Lord's will -- not that of any man or woman, but God's will alone -- will reign.

http://www.presidentialprayerteam.org/site/PageServer?pagename=pptnn_memsig_ppt

Thank you all for your consideration of this ministry. I have found it to be a blessing, for myself and for my children, to keep our nation's leaders in prayer.

~mary

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry for 12 January 2009

2009-01-12T09:58:00.005-05:00

Well, hard to believe but it's Monday again already. The last few days have gone by in a blur for me. We named the baby "Mati", which is Hebrew for either gender and means "gift of God". The Share Burial is tomorrow and I am full of sorrow that I have to do this again. I don't know if God will ever bless me with another baby, but I am so thankful for every minute that Mati was growing and developing inside me. I'm just having a lot of regret that I didn't get to at least hold the baby. Anyway, I am posting my Simple Woman's Daybook entry. I am trying to have some semblance of order in my day. So here is the weekly entry:

Monday, January 12, 2009

Outside my window...
It is sunny but cold, with temperatures in the 20s.

I am thinking...
That I need to follow up on a lot of things, and get school done (with the kiddies and my online college stuff).

I am thankful for...
The brief time I was pregnant with Mati in 2008/2009 and the brief time I was pregnant with Jordan in 2007.

From the learning rooms...
We got a lot more accomplished last week than I thought. I hope to get more done today as tomorrow I don't know that I will be able to handle school knowing that we're burying Mati.

From the kitchen...
Tonight we'll finish the lovely eye roast we got on sale (enough for two meals!). I might get ambitious and make a cake or cookies for the kiddies, and I'd like to try to make some baked oatmeal for my husband's breakfasts this week.

I am wearing...
I am still in pajamas because I have a lot of cramping and bleeding still...But I am determined it will not be a wholly lazy day.

I am creating...
I purchased pins to pin the quilt I was making for Mati, which I intend to finish, as well as the baby blanket and booties I started. I also decided that maybe I would enroll in the next cake decorating course to give myself some sense of accomplishment and help my grief.

I am going...
To still continue to praise God and thank Him despite my grief, even though it is getting more difficult the closer I get to the share burial. I have faith that He will give me love and comfort.

I am reading...
Family Driven Faith by Voodie Baucham, Jr. and A Biblical Home Education by Ruth Beechick, as well as some stuff about homeschooling by Charlotte Mason that I got online from http://www.amblesideonline.org/

I am hoping...
To find the strength to cope with this miscarriage loss without snapping out in anger at God or my family and to rest in the assurance that I will hold Mati (and Jordan) one day.

I am hearing...
Silence at the moment (which may or may not be a good thing -- where are the kiddies??).

Around the house...
I changed my sheets and blankets, and cleaned up some clutter and dusted in our master bedroom. I need to move a bookshelf and the entertainment center in the living room to make way for other furniture. And I asked my husband to please take down the crib and changing table, at least for now...It is too painful a reminder to have them up, and Sammy doesn't really use or need them right now anyway, as he's got a "big boy bed".

One of my favorite things...
At the moment I am too full of grief to really think this one through, but I love my family and and friends and am thankful for the strength and support I've gotten in the last week.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Aside from our regular homeschool schedule and my college course work...

Tonight: Church Small Group (which I really need right now)
Tuesday: Share Burial for Mati
Wednesday: Story time at Barnes & Noble since we'll miss it Tuesday
Thursday: Cleaning up the room my parents will be moving into
Friday: Moving some of the children around into other rooms
Saturday: Church in the evening (easier for us right now than Sundays, so I'm glad our church gives the option to accommodate people)
Sunday: Continuing to adjust January homeschool schedules, completing my online college week's work.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

This is my first attempt at bootie making, which are felt ones I tried to form for Mati's July arrival. Unfortunately they were way too big, but I was going to adjust the size - and the color, since we were not sure what the gender was going to be. It was just an experiment. Now there is no need, obviously, but I am still going to finish the booties and put them in a shadow box with the ultrasound pictures and information about this precious baby.

As always, thanks for stopping by!!!
Please visit the Simple Woman's Blog: http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

~mary

Simple Woman's Daybook entry for January 5th

2009-01-05T19:40:00.004-05:00

Simple Woman's Daybook entry for January 5th
I'm still trying to get the hang of this, but here is my second ever Simple Woman's Daybook entry:

Monday, January 5, 2009

Outside my window...
It is sunny and rather warm for a winter day.

I am thinking...
That although the doctors confirmed today that my baby no longer has a heartbeat, I am grateful that God allowed the child to be conceived and for me to enjoy 14 weeks of pregnancy.

I am thankful for...
My husband and my children, all of whom are extremely and especially precious to me.

From the learning rooms...
Today we resumed school, although it was not terribly successful due to the stress over the doctor’s appointment.

From the kitchen...
My wonderful husband took charge of the meals.

I am wearing...
I was wearing loose and comfortable clothing because of my doctor appointment, then pajamas to rest…

I am creating...
Nothing of note at the moment, although I intend to finish the baby blanket and booties I started.

I am going...
To continue to praise God and thank Him despite my grief.

I am reading...
Family Driven Faith by Voodie Baucham, Jr. and college textbooks for Chemistry 101 and Educational Psychology.

I am hoping...
To find the strength to cope with this miscarriage loss without snapping out in anger at God or my family.

I am hearing...
A television show my 4 year-old is watching in my room.

Around the house...
I did not really accomplish anything noteworthy today, except that I straightened my sheets and blankets!

One of my favorite things...
When my 4 year-old says “I love you big much up to the moon and back too big much!”

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Aside from our regular homeschool schedule and my college course work (well – as regular as possible considering the circumstances)
Tuesday: Resting.
Wednesday: A possible follow-up doctor appointment.
Thursday: Attending an evening appointment with my husband.
Friday: Resting.
Saturday: Probably church in the evening.
Sunday: Adjusting January homeschool schedules, completing my online college week's work and reading aloud to the children from the Bible.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...
This rainbow was shining on the day we got our Christmas tree…We saw one before we got to the tree farm and the sky cleared, but when we got half-way into the field – we experienced a huge downpour, followed by hail and then…it cleared up and behold, an other rainbow graced the sky!

Thanks for stopping by!!!
Please visit the Simple Woman's Blog:http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Simple Woman's Daybook entry for December 29th

2008-12-29T23:59:00.001-05:00

I'm still trying to get the hang of this, but here's my first Simple Woman's Daybook entry:

Monday, December 29, 2008

Outside my window...

It is sunny and although it is cold, it is warmer than it has been.

I am thinking...

There are things I need to gather for my husband for a meeting tomorrow evening, and I should not procrastinate!

I am thankful for...

My husband and his steady, reliable job and my children and their laughter and noise, even when it gets a little "too" loud. And finally for the gift of this pregnancy.

From the learning rooms...

We have a short break for the rest of the week, as the cousins are coming!

From the kitchen...

I made an 8-yolk butter cake with cocoa icing for my father's birthday! We also managed to get some Forgotten Cookies in the oven, but the meringue does not seem to want to set just right.

I am wearing...

Loose and comfortable clothing since I am starting to "feel" pregnant!

I am creating...

A baby blanket on a Knifty Knitter for our expected little one.

I am going...

To stay at home today and just try to relax as I am not feeling too well.

I am reading...

Aside from the Bible, I am also taking a break from "school" and books this week to prepare for our expected company.

I am hoping...

To be able to find all of the paperwork my husband needs tomorrow, as my children constantly relocate things in their efforts to "help" - and somehow do not always put things in the proper designated spot.

I am hearing...

The last of the Christmas music on a local radio station.

Around the house...

I have neatened up a little bit, cleaned up the kitchen and a few areas in the dining room and am generally pleased that I made some progress despite being sick.

One of my favorite things...

Receiving Christmas cards from family and friends.

A few plans for the rest of the week:

Tuesday: Finding the rest of that paperwork for my husband!

Wednesday: Three doctor appointments for my high-risk pregnancy, including an ultra sound -- I will get to see the growth of my precious little one!!!

Thursday: Spending time with my husband, who as the day off!!

Friday: Going to the hospital to be supportive as my mother gets back surgery.

Saturday: Visiting with my sister and my nieces! Church tonight!!!

Sunday: Finalizing January homeschool schedules, making sure my three public schooled children have their homework ready for the morning, logging in to my online college to prepare for the week's work.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Thanks for stopping by!!!

Please visit the Simple Woman's Blog:

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

A book that touched me deeply...

2008-12-28T22:51:00.004-05:00

We try to make the season of Advent special. Last year we wrapped up many Christmas movies and placed them in a basket to be unwrapped each night. The year before that we all found a treasure each morning - usually something small like a pencil or a peppermint. Sometimes there are projects, sometimes interesting poems and songs. There are always devotionals that accompany our special time as a family each evening. This year during Advent each evening a member our family unwrapped a winter/Christmas book to read to the children. The books ranged from childhood favorites to wintry books the children received as gifts in years past, and of course included the story of Jesus' birth as well as the classic "Night Before Christmas", all read while pjs were on and all followed by our customary Advent devotion. There were several evenings where activity kept us late and we skipped the reading, but overall we were able to enjoy many touching, fun and whimsical stories. However, the book my husband chose to read on Christmas day itself touched me very deeply -- so much that I find myself still pondering the message, turning the story over and over again in my mind.

The story is called "The Story of the Other Wise Man" - or sometimes "The Fourth Wise Man" - and was written by Henry van Dyke circa 1896. (For a review, I've included a link to amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Story-Other-Wise-Henry-Dyke/dp/0345406958). There are so many lessons in this very short tale, the most important that we should seek Christ constantly, and that we will indeed find Him. I've marveled over the beauty found in this simple story -- how this wise man gave all he owned to bring treasures to the king -- and how he spent those treasures in other ways before finding Jesus at last.

I don't want to give away the entire story before anyone has had a chance to read it. Suffice it to say that it touched me in such a way that made me cry...for my own selfishness, for my own lack of deep faith at times, for my own thoughtlessness at times when dealing with others. I have been really praying in the last few days that this lesson of faith and love will stick with me.

I really hope and pray you will get the opportunity to read this precious story, and that it will touch your heart as thoroughly as it has touched my own. May God richly bless you in 2009!

creating a haven...

2008-11-11T19:45:00.003-05:00

I stumbled upon something interesting at The Homespun Heart http://www.thehomespunheart.blogspot.com/ which I thought I'd like to attempt, even though I am already two whole days behind. It's a challenge of sorts to make of our homes a haven...And clean. I have been so blessed with the kind of home I've always dreamed of -- a big old rambling house that could be filled with the happy laughter of children. It's in need of a lot of repair though, having been neglected for years before we bought it. I like to be challenged and reminded of the importance of getting things in order, in many different regards. I am hopeful that the effort I put into this will be a blessing to my precious family.

With six children, I can tell you that our home has long seemed too cluttered and unkempt despite my efforts. For a while, I have to admit that I kind of gave up out of sheer frustration -- not because I did not want a clean home and tidy children, but because it just seemed as though everything was going wrong. Our washer has not worked in months, which means my darling husband does laundry once every week at the laundry mat in town. That means that clothes and towels and rags and coats and sheets, etc. just have to wait around, and for some reason those items just do not always stay in their designated laundry baskets! In addition, I had set up a "center" of sorts for school work. I have three children in school and three homeschooled, so we have an abundance of paperwork that cannot be misplaced. I had bins for each child and shelves for books and bookbags...But somehow all of the paperwork and projects and bookbags mysteriously crawl off from their designated spots as well. So...

I will be praying more this week and trying to re-train my six children. I have had some difficulty in this area, as five are adopted and some of their issues make obedience a serious task and a chance for rebellion, hence my frustration. I do not have as short a fuse with them when it comes to patience, thanks to many talks with the Lord, but I admit that there are times when I'd rather walk away than attempt to get to the bottom of the crisis because it seems that so much is tangled up in one simple task. It's not laziness as much as weariness at this point, but as I said -- I've committed much of this to the Lord in prayer and have become more optimistic in the last month that I can certainly make things more peaceful for the family overall. And since that time, I've seen great changes in their beginning stages in the spirits of at least some of the children. That is indeed a blessing!

Aside from that, I am expecting a baby in June and I have the need to get things under control. My first pregnancy - resulting in 4 year old Samuel - had me on bed rest for the last six weeks, and everything downstairs turned more than chaotic, even when my mother and my mother-in-law tried to help. My second pregnancy - resulting in the loss of precious Jordan between 10 and 12 weeks into the pregnancy - had me on bed rest from almost the beginning, and the chaos was worse. I would like to have order throughout the whole thing this time and be prepared for whatever may happen, and I'm depending on much prayer to start to see some of the character traits emerge not only in the children, but that my husband and I will always exhibit deeper patience bourne out of love and try to restore our family to what it should be.

I really look forward to working on this!!!

Prayer...

2008-11-11T15:11:00.002-05:00

I would love to ask for extra prayer during this season of my life. You see, I've had a little trouble lately with cramping and bleeding. While this is somewhat normal in a lot of pregnancies, after losing our precious baby last year I am very apprehensive of what that all could mean. I am trusting in Him, but I am afraid my human-ness tends to get in the way and I feel the devil just whispering to me. So any prayer -- especially in these still early weeks -- would be such a blessing to me! Thank you!!!

New Blessing...

2008-10-26T19:59:00.003-05:00

It's been a long road that I've walked since last June when we lost our second birth child. But yesterday - miracle of miracles...I'm expecting again. I'm of course very anxious and nervous, but oh so happy.

You see, I've never stopped hoping completely, even though at times the possibility of my conceiving again looked pretty bleak. Last month I had thought that I was possibly pregnant. I was temped to race to the store and purchase a test, but the day when I was holding the test in my hands I started to feel the familiar pain of menstrual cramps. The scarlet reminder that my womb was still empty was, sadly, not terribly far behind.

Funny thing though...since that time I started taking an exercise class - Zumba, which is sort of like a dance class, combining Latin and Caribbean dance music and so forth. I was excited to start and see the pounds start dropping off rapidly. Well, I should have known...Every time I lose weight past a certain poundage I was suddenly "pregnant". Still, after last year the fear mingled with the hope kept me more pessimistic than usual.

So yesterday when I took the test I initially read it wrong. I thought that the one symbol was the control and since the two didn't match assumed it was negative. But thankfully I felt the need to actually check the box. I'm so glad I did! I saw that the "plus" sign in the first window indicated a positive result, and the second window was the control. Still...my worries and concerns got the better of me and I doubted it for a while. I needed a little more convincing. I mean, other than wonky blood sugar readings (another "obvious" sign I shouldn't have missed), my breasts do not hurt like during my first pregnancy, I am not constantly vomitting (though I did today a bit more) and I feel, well, pretty much not pregnant. So to convince myself, I took a digital test. The window was clear and unmistakably flashed "pregnant". But not to be fooled by possible error, I took a third test, which also had me reeling with the miracle. Because again the result was positive.

When I took the first test and realized that it was positive, I was overcome with emotion. I fell to my knees, thanking the Lord. You see, I believe that ALL -- yes, ALL -- children are a blessing from the Lord. Does it matter so much that this will be my seventh child (really eighth because of last year's miscarriage, but technically only the third biological child)? I don't think so, yet the reaction I received during my last pregnancy, before we lost the baby, was so negative that this time I am hesitant about how much I want to share this information before I've fully savored it and treasured it and had time to bury those beautiful thoughts in my heart.

I need to begin immediately praying for the perfect health of my child, for the life within me to be strong and healthy -- a child I can train for His good purpose and glory, a child I will treasure, with all of my heart, no matter what. I am still a little anxious, but am trusting that He will protect the life now growing within, knitting my child together with each new development. I feel so tired, but oh so blessed! I am looking forward to this pregnancy journey and to the marvelous treasure that I'll have in the end!!!

Preparedness Challenge Week I (for us anyway!)

2008-07-04T21:26:00.002-05:00

I came across this on Melonie Kennedy's Preparedness blog: http://familyprep.blogspot.com/search/label/Preparedness%20Challenge. She found the original challenge on another site, but you'll be able to read that if you click on the link.
Ya' know...with the food crisis it kind of makes a lot of sense, especially for my family of eight...So I am going to attempt to work at it. Being realistic, it's probably somewhat late to accomplish everything, but if I go at it a little bit at a time, weekly, well...I'm hoping it will make a huge difference in our pocketbook as well as the cupboard. So this might be a regular feature in the upcoming weeks -- at least through harvest season. Beyond that, well...we'll see how it goes. It does make sense though, so maybe even those of you without a green thumb (and I really don't have one myself) will give it a go...The worst thing that could happen is that you'll be a little more prepared.

Preparedness Challenge: Week 1
1. Plant something: I have to say that I was pretty pleased with our efforts earlier in the season. We basically only planted herbs, garlic, lettuce and two pepper varieties, and all are doing rather nicely - considering that I'm the one doing the gardening (which means minimal effort and no green thumb). But just the other day Les planted two grape tomato plants. So hooray, we accomplished this part of the challenge!

2. Harvest something: I was surprised to find a nice green bell pepper ready to be picked. I also clipped some rosemary to dry, along with mint (for fresh mojitos and iced tea), and some lavender that I want to make into sachets for my drawers.

3. Preserve something: Well, the only thing I did that was close to preserving anything was to start drying my rosemary. Other than that, I bought some ground beef on sale and divided it into freezer bags. So at the moment I have about five 2lb. packets of ground beef in the freezer. Maybe not what I had hoped for -- those strawberries are still calling my name, and hopefully I'm really not too late already!

4. Prep something: I don't know that I accomplished much here, except that I sliced up some red and green bell peppers and stuck them in the freezer so they wouldn't go bad on me before I was ready for them -- I like to cut strips for fajitas and then little diced pieces for various other dishes.

5. Cook something: Well, not knowing what to make because of the heat suffocating me in the kitchen this week, I ended up doing pretty well. Monday I baked one loaf of sourdough bread (the rest of the starter is in the fridge) and made a chicken dish for dinner. Tuesday we had homemade pizze (I cheated with store-bought crust) and Wednesday we had spaghetti with bacon and a creamy cheese sauce of sorts...It ended up not being thin enough and I drained all the spaghetti water before I was finished, silly me. Then Thursday Kayla had her turn to pick a dish to make. She opted for cold noodle salad, which was spaghetti, cabbage and carrots with scallions and an Asian-inspired peanut-butter dressing. We still have three containers of leftovers, so it was a pretty cheap dish overall. We added fortune cookies (store-bought at the bulk store, so pretty cheap) as a dessert for a nice touch. Tonight we were supposed to have a barbeque, but it has rained almost all day. So Les took us out to a pizza buffet. Not too bad, really, for the week. I hope next week turns out just as good.

6. Manage your reserves: Well, this is where we're experiencing a lot of trouble. Since the pigeon company filed for bankruptcy, we're just trying to hold on. We were looking forward to a lot of relief with that monthly income and now there is no monthly pigeon income, but we still have the pigeons (almost 400 of them) and barn rent and feed. Right now the market has been flooded with pigeons, so it really does not pay to start getting rid of all of them, and I'm sorry, but I just can't see destroying the eggs. I think if we shop around maybe we'll be able to find a market for squab. We'll see. Other than that, paid the cell bill, some other small things, made a list of total debt (that almost gave me a heart attack) and tried not to splurge or add any new debt. One credit card is being paid in full and that will help a little. It means we can try to pay off another one next month, and go from there. I am going to take scissors to the majority of them...Monthly payments seem so foolish now, especially when you get interest and such tacked on. I want to try to follow Mary Hunt's Debt-Proof Living advice. Seems like a good plan -- I mean, who can't use more of their own money every month?? So that's where we're at for the moment...Trying to stay above water and avoid bankruptcy...which we feel should only be used in the most dire circumstances. And even though financially it seems pretty damn dire, well...We'd rather honor our debts if possible...The bad thing is that not all companies will even work with you. The health care scenario is the WORST for that...I called to make payment arrangements on a hospital bill and told them what we could afford. They were not willing to accept that arrangement -- in fact, they wanted 300% more than what I could pay. I mean, should I just die next time and avoid the trip to the ER or what??? So...as I said, we're working on it...

7. Work on local food systems: Well, as far building up our own pantry...I hit a sale and got a few things. But I've been really trying to shop the perimeter of the store and avoid the isles of processed and unhealthy foods. Sadly, that's more of what we can afford right now. I did use coupons to purchase deli cheese and meat on sale this week -- Usually that is one of the first things we cut out when life gets a little expensive, but everything was on sale, plus the coupons too. I am hoping to work out a menu based on the sale fliers and use coupons where possible to stock up our meager pantry. Aside from that, though, I've found that I've been able to feed our family of eight a lot more healthy produce from spending a mere $20 at the farmers' market every week. There is a huge difference when I go versus when I don't. The kids are even enjoying a variety of fruits and veggies that are fresh and local without too much complaint...I've found that Les and I grumble more about the cookies, chips, ice cream, etc. we miss than the kids do!

8. Learn or work on a new skill: Well, not sure if this counts, but I have been working on my bread-baking a lot more, despite the rising cost of flour. I still find it more satisfactory to eat something on a homemade slice or two of bread than to buy that squishy air-inflated stuff they try to pass off as bread at the supermarket. And quite honestly, we're trying to use other grains in our diet anyway, so it's not like we're constantly going through the bread now. Aside from that, I just found a recipe for ricotta cheese that I want to try out, because I want to do some bulk cooking. I have some recipes for things like lasagna and even stuffed shells that I can freeze ahead of time to save on time during the upcoming busy cheerleading/football season. And...I want to try yogurt again too. So I'm working on "skills". Outside of the kitchen I'm working on two cross-stitch projects, a quilting project and hoping to learn crochet with Sara early next month.

9. Serve someone: I don't know if this counts, but...I gave my parents my first green bell pepper, a packet of homegrown and dried rosemary and a bunch of lavender. We have a whole bag full of clothes to go to Goodwill as well. Sometimes it just is hard to get into a serving mindset when I'm here all day with six kids plus Les, but I'm really trying to be less selfish with the things I do have. I hope that this challenge really keeps me in check as far as serving others.

I didn't do all of this in one fell swoop...It was a little here, a little there. One small thing every day for the week. And I hope to really keep up with it. It's pretty nice to look at your pantry shelves and see a variety of stuff -- that you actually eat or use -- there all ready for you.
Well, I don't know if/how many of you will join me in this challenge, but I think that with the food prices going up and the gas prices going up and all the natural and other disasters world-wide, it's not a crazy or far-fetched idea to be prepared. That can mean just buying an extra can of tunafish or whatever you eat every time you go to the grocery store or see a sale, or making sure your flashlights and smoke detectors have batteries or that you have a whole "kit" ready for any kind of disaster. It doesn't have to be consuming or make you scared or crazy, but you can do it sensibly. FEMA has information online at: http://www.fema.gov/ and it doesn't hurt to look at it once in a while.

Rebellion

2008-05-29T20:20:00.003-05:00

What happens when things are not going quite the way you wanted and life looks dim? I know that somewhere the sun is shining, just not for me at this particular moment in my life. There are acceptable behaviors in any situation, and things that one just should not do. Yet I find myself...considering. Drawn to those things that I would not otherwise want to do. Being pulled away from the comfort and security and peace that I know are waiting for me in the future, after all the grief and frustration has been sorted through. It's rebellion in a simplistic state. I do not want to fall away from what is acceptable. I do not want to do wrong. Yet I'm pulled toward it as a moth draws closer to the flame, disregarding the singe on its wings as it passes ever so close. I can hear, at times so audible and others so soft, the voice of some demon tempting me to partake.

I could, maybe even somewhat easily, distract myself by drawing closer to the One who will never leave nor forsake me. Except that, while I know it's the right thing to do -- the thing that will yeild the best result, the better course -- I feel some anger. Enough to hold back my natural inclination to fall down in praise and worship or turn the pages of my Bible, untouched these last few months. I reason over and over in my mind that of course I need to pour over Scripture and pray with purpose and offer praise and thanksgiving to the Creator. I know it's what is right and true, and more importantly -- what could help me out of the spiraling depression I've felt since the piercing cry that somehow came from within me as I learned that my child had no heartbeat. Yes, this is rebellion borne of anger. And...something else.

Guilt. I mentioned it to my counselor, who posed that I sound like other women she's counseled who have had abortions. Except that is not what my loss was called. It was a miscarriage, followed by a surgical procedure to remove the remains. Yet in my mind I truly believe that I should have passed on the surgery and let God work His miracle if He would, or experience the natural course of a true miscarriage if He would not. But in the midst of the physical pain of the loss and the mental anguish accompanying it, I was forced to make a decision. And so I opted for the easy way to end my suffering. And feel weak and frustrated at my own inadequacy. I should have endured, and not been so quick to give up -- in faith. And yet I couldn't. Even as I was being wheeled into surgery, starting to grow drowsy with drugs and anesthetics, I could hear my soul screaming to stop it all, because I could have faith that God could restore...if not my baby, then at least me. But I abandoned it for comfort and ease. In my mind a worship song from church reverberated, filling my mind with the lyrics and testing my resolve. "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing praise to the King of Kings. You are my everything and I will adore You." It testified to the awe-inspiring presence and greatness and holiness of God. And yet -- somehow I still could not cling to that faith, because I was already despairing at the loss of my child, already sinking down into the claws of depression -- yes, even while trying to reach to Him who could heal me. The devil, you see, was pulling me down. And I let him win the battle that time. And have felt guilty about it ever since.

Because it opened the doors of doubt and despair and anger and frustration and left little room for much else. Leading to rebellion.

Some day soon I know I will have to cast aside the guilt. The pain. The anger. I, the prodigal, will have to run back toward my Father. I know I can count on His open arms, waiting to pull me in and give me the comfort I know is waiting. But I think that, in some effort to punish myself, I am just not ready to release all this hurt yet. So stubbornly I cling to it, disregarding His promises and chasing after all that is vapid and vanishing in life, even if only in my innermost thoughts, while I should be pursuing Him with gusto, relishing His care of me and His everlasting love and forgiveness and...healing. I know I will find it in Him, when I am ready to grow up and give up my childish rebellion...

Stained...

2007-11-04T16:09:00.000-05:00

Well, this blog was hatched in a brief season of joy in my life and then quickly set aside when reality took hold of the things I held dear and began methodically to alter them in ways unchangeable...So though it may take a while until my thoughts may be deemed "excellent" again, I think I will optimistically settle for this as I write to work through my problems...

On the note of writing for a sort of therapy, I can say that sometimes a little writing may help a situation, but oftentimes it takes more than just a day or a week or even a month until one can understand and recognize the benefits...

At this moment in time, I am still mourning the life of the child that grew for a short season in my womb and disappeared for reasons unknown as yet in a sea of dark red that I still saw through my copious tears. It not only stained the clothing I wore that day, but also stained the memory in my soul so that it is unmoved, a continual reminder that life - any life - is brief. Should this cause me to be even more unselfish in the love I lavish upon others or turn me inward so that I am not stifling the desires of my heart any longer I cannot tell. That was in June, this is November. In one more month, I would have held that precious life in my arms, which will now be empty at Christmas -- the irony of a due date. Instead I am here mourning and grieving in a way that no one understands and so has lost patience with...It is more than a little difficult to sort through the feelings of anger, despair and desperation when the rest of the household moves about at normal lightening speed, leaving me far behind in my grief.

My marriage has crumbled, the children have rebelled, the finances are low, and the only source of pleasure in my life at this point is a memory I savor in secret in my memories when my eyes are closed as I reflect upon the different paths we all choose for whatever reason and how altered our lives then become, depending upon the destination and the company we keep on the journey...

The Joy of Writing

2006-02-06T16:49:00.000-05:00

It almost sounds like the title of a self-help, do-it-yourself style book. But seriously, the joy of writing has given me hope and inspiration throughout my life. The feel of a pen in my hand against a blank piece of paper has always just filled me with a sense of comfort...As though I were about to reveal the most important thoughts and secrets hiding within my soul to an old and cherished friend.

There has never been a situation in my life where I did not want to take up that pen and capture the moment on that paper. Some of the more precious recollections have been worth reading over and over again -- such as my wedding day thoughts, the journaling of my first pregnancy, the notes I took when we were adopting our first five children...I have even been able to incorporate some of those notes in my scrapbooking, to share with future family and friends.

Of course, not every memory is a happy one, and some of my earlier "works" were banished to a box or thrown out with the garbage. But I have found that, through writing, I can either escape the problem, resolve the problem or work through the problem. Some of my earlier writings were the writings of a love-sick schoolgirl...And while they hold some fond memories, when reading them I can recall the heartbreak I felt.

When I read the things I wrote about meeting my husband, it makes me smile as I close my eyes to picture the details -- the racquetball court towering over us while we played during our early courtship, the starlit nights when we sat on a picnic bench planning our future. When I read about an argument I had years ago with my sister, it makes me cry that we were so petty, but it also makes me thankful that I have grown up enough to apologize. Yes, writing can bring a lot of things into focus.

Recording memories is not the only thing I've done...I have been writing little bits and pieces of novels since I was ten. I remember taking great care with the wording, searching my imagination to come up with the elements I knew I needed. I wrote about classmates, wrote about things I hoped would really happen, wrote about things I knew would never happen in my ordinary life. I am anxious to begin this journey again.

I am excited to be taking a few writing courses from Barnes & Noble University online. As I plow through the materials, I will be looking forward to sharing with you what I'm learning, whether through little posts about my life or chapters I hope to turn into novels.